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FORCE OF truth: 



AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 



BY THOMAS SCOTT, 

6I0RNi:«G PREACHER AT THE LOCK CHAPEL, LOWDOS 



LTt si quis Asellum 
In carapos doceat parentem currere frenis...HoR. 

Vain man would be wise, though man be born Uke 5 
wild ass's colt. Job, c xi. v. 12. 

Who teacheth like him:... Job c. xxxvi v. 22. 



NEW YORK. 

ROBERT CARTER & BROTHERS 

No. 28 5 BF.OADWAY. 



%^ 






By Bxchanafe 
Army And Nivy Oiqjki 
Aug. 13,IB29 



PREFACE, 



If a book do not apoio^ize for itself, it is m 
vam for the author to attempt it by a prefaci^ ; 
I shall, therefore, only declare the nature and 
intent of this publication 

Indeed, it contains little more than the his- 
tory of my heart, that forge of iniquity ; and 
my conscience, that friendly, but too often 
neglected monitor By men in general, this 
latter is hated, because, as far as informed, it 
boldly tells the truth : and their grand endea- 
vour seems to be, to lay it asleep, or to render 
it as insensible as if seared with a hot iron. 
Through the deceitful ness of the human 
heart, the allurements of the world, and the 
artifices of Satan, this, at length, is commonly 
accomplished ; and in the meantime, they 
deafen themselves to its remonstrances, by 
living in a continual -noise and bustle. The 
conliict in my soul between these two is here 
related ; and some account given of the artifi- 
ces which Satan, in confederacy with my 
heart, made use of to keep my conscience 
quiet, and silence its remonstrances ; and also 



of the means which the Lord employed to ae 
feat this conspiracy, to give conscience its due 
ascendency, and to incline my before unwilling 
heart to become obedient to il;s friendly admo- 
nitions ; with the effect thereof upon my re- 
ligious views and conduct. 

As to the effect of this publication respect- 
ing my character and worldly interest ; my- 
self, and all that is dear to me, I would leav^e 
in his hands, who causeth all to work togeth- 
er for good, to them that love him, whom he 
hath called according to liis purpose. And 
he hath so evinced his care over me, and good- 
ness to me, in all the concerns of my past life, 
that it w^ere shameful, if I did not most wil- 
lingly cast all my care upon him for the future. 
But, reader, the effect of it respecting thee, I 
have much at heart ; and have had, and shall, 
I trust, continue to have it much in my 
prayers. 

If thou art a believing servant of God, I 
hope thou wilt see cause to bless God in me, 
and wilt be established and comforted there- 
by ; according to the fervent desire of my 
soul, for all that love the Lord Jesus Christ 
in sincerity. K thou art one, whose expe- 
rience answers in many things to what is 
related in the former part of this narrative, 
as face answers to face in the water, may the 
Lord, the Spirit who convinceth of sin, alarm 
thy drowsy conscience, and bring thee under 
a serious concern for thy precious soul, and 
its eternal interests may he incline thine 



rKEl'ACU 



heart diligently to use the means here sj/oken 
of, as far as conscience evidences it to be thy 
duty 5 and may he bless the means for enlight- 
ening thy mind with the knowledge of the 
truth as it is in Jesus ; and guiding thy wan- 
dering feet into the ways of peace. This, be 
assured, is my hearty prayer for thee ; tmd 
with this prayer I commend this work unto 
the Lord, that if it be his blessed will, he may 
employ it as an instrument for advancing his 
glory, and the salvation of souls. 

THOMAS SCOTT, 

Weston, Underwood, Feb 26, 1779 



PREFACE TO THE SECOND EDITION. 

About ten years have elapsed since the 
first publication of the ensuing narrative . In 
that space I have had much opportunity of 
re-examining the Scriptures, and of making 
observations, both in the world and in the 
})rofessing church ; as well as of getting a fur- 
ther measure of self-knowledge. But I bless 
God, that upon a revisal of The Force op 
Truth, in order to a second edition, I see no 
cause to retract a single sentence, or to pro- 
pose any matter differently than before. If 
any one should bestow the pains to compare 
this w4th the former edition, he will indeed 
find several verbal alterations, in which brev- 
ity, perspicuity, and precision alone have been 
consulted : but he will not meet with a single 
variation, which in any measure changes the 
meaning of the passage. Had I materially 
altered my sentiments, I would either have 
refused to concur in publishing a second edi- 
tion, or have fairly avowed that alteration : 
but, on the contrary, I deem it incumbent 
upon me to declare, that I am more than ever 
established in the belief of all those doctrines 
that I before proposed, as the leading truth? 
of Christianity. 

THOMAS SCOTT. 

LoDdon, Chapel -street, March 31, 1789. 



THE 

FORCE OF TRUTH. 

PART f. 



Siving an account of the state of the author's mind 
and conscience, previous to, and at the commence- 
ment of that change, whereof he purposes to give 

the HISTORY. 

Notwithstanding that I was not ediica 
ted in what is commonly considered as igno- 
rance of God and religion ; yet, until the 
sixteenth year of my age, I do not remember 
that I ever was under any serious convic- 
tion of my being a sinner, in danger of wrath, 
or in need of mercy ; nor did I ever, during 
this part of my life, that I recollect, offer one 
hearty prayer to God in secret. Being alien- 
ated firom God, through the ignorance that 
was in me, I lived without him in the world ; 
and as utterly neglected to pay him any vol- 
untary service, as if I had been an atheist in 
[)rinciple. 

But about my sixteenth year I began to see 
that I was a sinner ; a leper in e orv r»«rt. 



8 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

*' there being no health in nne ;" oat of many 
external indications of inward depravity, con- 
science discovered, and reproached me with 
one ; and 1 was, lor the fiist time, disquieted 
with apprehensions of the wrath of an offend- 
ed God. My attendance at the Lord's table 
being expected about the same time, (though 
I was very ignorant of the meaning and end 
of that sacred ordinance,) this circumstance, 
united with the accusations of my conscience, 
brought an awe u])on my spirits, and inter- 
rupted my before undisturbed course of sin. 

Being, however, an utter stranger to the 
depravity and helplessness of fallen nature, 
J had no doubt but I could amend my life 
whenever I pleased. Previous, therefore, to 
communicating, I set about an unwilling re- 
formation ; and procuring a form of prayer, 
I attempted to pay my secret addresses to the 
Majesty of Heaven. In this manner having 
silenced my conscience, I partook of the ordi- 
nance, lield my resolutions, and continued 
my devotions, such as they w^ere, for a little 
space : but they were a weariness and a task 
to me ; and temptations soon returning, I re- 
lapsed ; my prayer book was thrown aside, 
and no more thought of, till my conscience 
was again alarmed by the next warning giv- 
en for the celebration of the Lord's sup- 
per. Then the same ground was gone over 
again, and with the same issue. My good- 
ness was like the morning dew, that passeth 
away ; and loving sin, and disrelishing religious 
duties as much as ever, I returned, as the 



1 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 9 

SOW that is washed, to her wallowing in the 
mire. 

With little variation, this was my course 
of life for nine years : but in that time I had 
such experience of my own weakness, and the 
superior force of temptation, that I secretly 
concluded reformation in my case to be im- 
practicable. " Can the Ethiopian change his 
skin, or the leopard his spots ? " I was ex- 
perimentally convinced that 1 was equally 
unable, with the feeble barrier of resolutions 
and endeavours, to stem the torrent of my im- 
petuous inclinations, when swelled by wel- 
come, suitable, and powerful temptations ; and 
being ignorant that God had reserved this to 
liimself as his own work, and had engaged to 
do it for the poor sinner, who, feeling his own 
insufficiency, is heartily desirous to have it 
done by him ; I stifled my convictions as well 
as I could, and put off my repentance to a 
more convenient season. 

But being of a reflecting turn, and much 
alone, my mind was almost constantly em- 
ployed. Aware of the uncertainty of life, 
[ was disquieted with continual apprehensions, 
that this mOi^e convenient season would never 
airive ; especially, as through an unconfirm- 
ed state of health, I had many warnings, and 
near prospects of death and eternity. For a 
long time I entertained no doubt, but that 
impenitent sinners would be miserable forever 
in hell ; and at some seasons such amazing 
reflections upon this awful subject forced 
themselves into my mind, that 1 was over- 



/O THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

powered with them, and my fears became in- 
tolerable. At such times my extempore criea 
for mercy were so wrestling and persevering, 
that I was scarcely able to give over; though at 
other times I lived without prayer of any sort ; 
yet, in my darkest hours, though my con- 
science was awakened to discover more and 
more sinfulness in my whole beliavior, there 
lemained a hope that I should one day repent, 
and turn unto God. If this hope was from 
rayseifj it was a horrid presumption, but the 
event makes me willing to acknowledge a 
persuasion that it was from the Lord ; for had 
it not been f^r this hope, I should probably 
have given way to temptations, which fre- 
quently assaulted me, of putting an end to my 
own life, in proud discontent with my lot in 
this world, and mad despair about another. 

A hymn of Dr. Watts', in his admirable lit- 
tle book f^r children, entitled, " The All-see- 
ing God." at this time fell in my way ; I was 
much atFected with it, and having committed it 
to memory, was frequently repeating it, and 
was thereby continually reminded of my guilt 
and danger. Parents may from this inconsid- 
erable circumstance be reminded, that it is of 
great importance to store their children's 
minds with such useful matter, instead of 
sutFering them to be furnished with s'jch cor- 
rupting trash, as is commonly taught them. 
They know not what use God may make of 
these early rudiments of instruction in future 
life. At this period, though I was the slave 
of sin, yet as my conscience was not pacified, 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 11 

nor my principles greatly corrupted, there 
seemed some hope concerning me ; but at 
length Satan took a very effectual method of 
silencing my convictions, that I might sleep 
securely in my sins : and justly was I given 
over to a strong delusion to believe a lie, when 
I lield the truth that I did know in unright- 
eousness. A Socinian comment on the Scrip- 
tures came in my way, and I greedily drank 
the poison because it quieted my lears, and 
flattered my abominable pride. The whole 
system coincided exactly with my inclinations, 
and the state of my mind, and approved itself 
to me. In reading this exposition, sin seemed 
to lose its native ugliness, and appear a very 
small and tolerable evil ; man's imperfect obe- 
dience seemed to shine with an almost divine 
excellency ; and God appeared so entirely and 
necessarily merciful, that he could not make 
any of his creatures miserable, without con- 
tradicting his natural propensity. These 
things influenced my mind so powerfully, that 
I concluded that notwithstanding a few little 
blemishes, I was, upon the whole, a very wor^ 
thy creature. Then farther, the mysteries of 
the Gospel being explained away, or brought 
down to the level of man's comprehension by 
such proud and corrupt, though specious rea- 
sonings ; by acceding to these sentiments, I 
was in my own opinion, in point of under- 
standing and discernment, exalted to a supe- 
riority above the general run of mankind ; and 
amused myself with looking down with con 
tempt upon such as were v/eak enough to be- 




12 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

lieve the orthodox doctrines. Thus I gene- 
rally soothed my conscience : and if at any 
time I was uneasy at the apprehension that 
I did not thoroughly deserve, and was not en- 
tirely fit for heaven, the same book afforded 
me a soft pillow, on which to lull myself to 
sleep ; it argued, and I thought it proved, that 
there were no eternal torments ; and insinu- 
ated, that there were no torments except for 
notorious sinners ; and that such as should 
fall just short of heaven, would sink into their 
original nothing. With this welcome scheme 
I silenced all my fears, and told my accusing 
conscience, that if I fell short of heav^en, 1 
should be annihilated, and never be sensible 
of my loss. 

By experience, I am well acquainted with 
Satan's intention, in employing so many of 
his servant's to invent those pestilent errois, 
whether in speculation or practice, that have 
in all ages corrupted and enervated the pure 
and powerful doctrine of the Gospel ; for 
they lead to forgetfulness of God, and secu- 
rity in sin, and are deadly poison to every 
soul that imbibes them, unless a miracle of' 
grace prevent. Such, on one hand, are all 
the superstitious doctrines of popery, pur- 
gatory, penances, absolutions, indulgences, 
merits of good works, and the acceptable- 
ness of will-worship, and uncommanded ol> 
servances ; what are these but engines of 
the devil, to keep men quiet in their sins r 
Man, resolved to follow the dictates of his 
depraved inclination, and not to bound liis 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 13 

pursuits and enjoyments within the lirrits 
of God's holy law, catches at anything to 
soften the horrible thought of eternal misery. 
This is the awakening reflection, God's sword 
in the conscience, which 'tis Satan's business. 
by all his diabolical artifice, to endeavour to 
sheath, blunt, or turn aside ; knowing, that 
whilst the alarming apprehension is present 
to the soul, he can never maintain his pos- 
session of it in peace. By such inventions, 
therefore, as these, he takes care to furnish 
the sinner with that which he seeks for, and 
to enable him to walk according to the course 
of this wicked world, and the desires of de- 
praved nature, without being disturbed by 
such dreadful thoughts. The same, on the 
other hand, is the tendency of all those spec- 
ulations of reasomng men, which set God's 
attributes at variance with each other ; which 
represent the Supreme Governor so weakly 
merciful, as neither to regard the demands 
of his justice, the glory of his holiness, the 
veracity of his word, nor the peaceable order 
and subordination of the universe ; which ex 
plain away all the mysteries of the Gospel ; 
and represent sin, that fruitful root of evil, 
that enemy of God, that favorite of Satan, 
as a very little thing, scarce noticed by the 
Almighty ; and which, contrary to Scripture, 
and universal experience and observation, 
vvould ]:)ersuade us, that man is not a deprav 
ed cpeature. 

These latter sentiments I acceded to, and 
maintained as long as I could : and i did it 



14 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

most assuredly, because they soothed my 
conscience, freed me from the pressing fears 
of daaination, and enabled me to think fa- 
vorably of myself For these reasons alone 
1 loved, and chose this ground ; I fixed my- 
self upon it, and there I fortified myself with 
all the arguments and reasonings I could 
meet with. These things I wished to be- 
lieve ; and I had my wish ; for at length I 
did most confidently believe them. Being 
taken captive in this snare by Satan, I should 
here have perished, with a lie in my right 
hand, had not that Lord, whom I dishonor- 
ed, snatched me as a brand from the burning. 
In this state of mind I attempted to ob- 
tain admission into holy orders. Wrapped up 
in the proud notion of the dignity of human 
nature, I had lost sight of the evil of sin, and 
thought little of my own sinfulness ; I was 
filled with a self-important opinion of my 
own worth, and the depth of my understand- 
ing ; I had adopted a system of religion, ac- 
commodated to that foolish pride, having 
almost wholly discarded mysteries from my 
creed, and regarding with sovereign contempt 
those who believed them. As far as I un- 
derstood those controversies, 1 was nearly a 
Socinian, and a Pelagian, and wholly an Ar- 
minian ; yet, to my shame be it spoken, I 
sought to obtain admission into the ministry, 
in a church whose doctrines are diametrically 
opix)sed to all the three ; without once con- 
cerning myself about those barriers, which 
the wisdom of our forefathers have placed 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. Id 

about her, purposely lo prevent the intrusion 
of such dangerous heretics as I then was. 

Whilst I was preparing for this solemn 
office, I lived, as before, in known sin, and 
in utter neglect of prayer : my whole pre- 
paration consisting of nothing else but an 
attention to those studies which were more 
immediately required, for my reputably pass- 
ing through the previo'^us examination. 

And thus after some difficulty, with a heart 
fiill of pride, and all manner of wickedness, 
my life being polluted with many un repent- 
ed, unforsaken sins, without one cry for mer- 
cy, one prayer for direction, or assistance 
in, or a blessing upon what I was about to 
do ; after having concealed my real sentiments 
under the mask of general expressions ; after 
having subscribed articles directly contrary 
to my then belief; and after having blas- 
phemously declared in the presence cf God 
and of the congregation, in the mcsl solemn 
manner, sealing it with the Lord's supper,. 
that I judged myself to be inwardly mov^ecl 
by the Holy Ghost to take this office upon 
me, ('not knowing or believing that there was 
a Holy Ghost,) on September the 20th, 1772, 
I was ordained a deacon. Forever blessed 
be the God of all long suffering and mercy, 
who had patience with such a rebel and 
blasphemer, such an irreverent trifler with his 
majesty, and such a presumptuous intruder 
into his sacred ministry! I never think of 
this daring wickedness w^ithout being filled 
with amazement that I am out of hell ; with- 



16 THE FORCE OF Tl JTEI : 

out adoring that gracious God, who pernut- 
teth such an atrocious sinner to live, yea, to 
serve him, and with acceptance, I trust, to 
call him Father, and as h-is minister to speak 
in his name. " Praise the Lord, O my soul, 
and all that is within me, bless his holy name ; 
Praise the Lord, O my soul, and Ibrget not 
all his benefits ; who forgiveth all my sins, 
and healeth all thy infirmities ; who saveth 
thy life from destruction, and crowmeth me 
with mercy and loving kindness." May I 
love much, and very humbly and devotedly 
serve that God who has multiplied his mer- 
cies, in abundantly pardoning my complicated 
provocations ! 

My views in entering into the ministry, as 
far as I can ascertain them, were these three : 
1. A desire of a less laborious, and more com- 
fortable way of procuring a livelihood, than 
otherwise I had a prospect of — 2. The ex- 
pectation of more leisure to employ in reading, 
of which I was inordinately fond. — And, 3. 
A proud conceit of my abilities, and a vain- 
glorious imagination, that I should some time 
distinguish and advance myself in the literary 
world. These were my ruling motives in tak- 
ing this bold step : motives as opposite to 
those w^hich should have influence therein, 
as pride is opposite to humility ; ambition to 
contented ness in a low estate, and a willing- 
ness to be the least of all, and the servant of 
all ; as opposite as love of self, of the world, 
of filthy lucre, and slothful ease, is opposite 
to the love of God, and of souls, and of the 



AN AUTHE.\T1C NARRATIVE 17 

laborious work of the ministry. Mine, there- 
fore, be the shame of this heinous sin ; and to 
God be all the glory of oi^erruling it for good, 
I trust both to unworthy me, and to his 
dear people, the church, which he hath pur- 
chased with his own blood 

My subsequent conduct was suitable to 
these motives. No sooner was I fixed m a 
curacy, than with close application I sat down 
to the study of the learned languages, and 
such other matters as I considered most need- 
ful, in order to lay the foundation of my fu- 
ture advancement. And would 1 were now 
as diligent in serving God, as I was then in 
serving sell', and ambition ! I s[)ared no pains ; 
1 shunned, as much as I well could, all ac- 
quaintance and diversions ; and I retrenched 
upon my usual hours of sleep, that I might 
keep more closely to this business. As a 
minister, I attended just enough to the public 
duties of my station to support a decent 
character, which I deemed subservient to my 
main design : and from the same principle I 
aimed at morality in my outward deportment, 
and affected seriousness in my conversation 
As to the rest, I still lived in the practice of 
what I knew to be sinful, and in the entire 
neglect of all secret religion : If ever inclined 
to ^ay, conscious guilt stopped my mouth, 
and I seldom went farther than " God be 
merciful uMo me.^' However, perceiving 
that my Socinian principles were very dis- 
reputable ; and being conscious from my own 
experience, that they were unfavorable to 
2 



18 IllE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

moraJvityj I concealed them, in a great mea- 
sure, both for my credit's sake, and from a 
desire I entertained, subservient to my main 
design, of successfully inculcating the practice 
of the moral duties upon those to whom I 
preached. My studies, indeed, lay very little 
in divinity, but this little all opposed that 
part of my scheme which respected the pun- 
ishment of the wicked in the other world ; and 
therefore, (being now removed at a distance 
from those authors whence I had imbibed 
my sentiments, and from whose reasonings I 
had learned to defend them,) I began gradu- 
ally to be shaken in my former confidence, 
and once more to be under some apprehen- 
sions of eternal misery. Being also statedly 
employed, and with the appearance of solem- 
nity, in the public worship of God, whilst I 
neglected and provoked him in secret ; my 
conscience clamorously reproached me with 
base hypocrisy, and I began to conclude, 
that if eternal torments were reserved for any 
sinners, 1 certainly should be one of the num- 
ber. And now again I was filled with anxious 
fears and terrifying alarms ; especially, as I 
was continually meditating upon what might 
he the awful consequence, should I be called 
hence by sudden death. Even my close ap- 
plication to study could not soothe my con- 
science, nor quiet my fears : under the affect- 
ed air of cheerfulness, I was truly miserable. 
This was my state of mind when the change 
[ am about to relate, began to take place. 
How it commenced^ in what manner, and by 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 19 

what steps it proceeded, and how it was com- 
pleted, will be the subject of the second part 
of this work. This first part I shall conclude 
by observing, that though I was staggered in 
my favorite sentiment before mentioned, and 
m my views of the person of Christ, was ver- 
ging toward Arianism ; yet in my other opin- 
ions I was more confirmed than ever. What 
those opinions were, I have already in brief 
declared ; and they will occur again, and be 
more fully explained, as I proceed to relate 
the manner in which I was constrained to re- 
nounce them, one after another, and to ac- 
cede to those that were directly contrary 
thereto. Let it suffice to say* that I was 
brim full of proud self sufficiency, v^ery posi- 
tive, and very obstinai.c: . and bemg situated 
m the nei^hbni.irn: K>a of some of those whom 
the w( -" .i. =.'.aLi,s Meiriociists.* i ioined in the 



* Metliodists. as a stigma of reproach, was first 
applied to Mr. Wesley, Mr. Whitfield, and their fol- 
lowers I to those who, though professing an attach- 
ment to our established church, and disclaiming the 
name of Dissenters, were not conformists in point 
of parochial order, but had separate seasons, places, 
and assemblies for worship. The terra has since 
been extended by many to all persons, whether cler- 
gy or lai.ty, who preach or profess the doctrines of 
the reformation, as expressed in the articles and 
liturgy of our church. For this fault they must all 
submit to bear the reproachful name alike, especial- 
ly the ministers ; nor will the most regular and 
peaceable compliance with the injunctions of the ru- 
bric, exempt them from it, if they avow the author- 
ized, but now exploded doctrines to which they have 



20 THE FORCE OF TRL^TII: 

prevailing sentiment, held them in sovereign 
contempt, spoke of them in derision, declaim- 
ed against them from the pulpit, as persons 
lull of bigotry, enthusiasm, and spiritual 
pride ; laid heavy things to their charge, and 
endeavoured to prove the doctrines which 1 
supposed them to hold, (for I had never read 
iheir books,) to be dishonorable to God, and 
destructive to morality. And though in some 
comparwes I chose to conceal some part of 
my sentiments, and in all affected to speak 
as a Iriend to universal toleration ; yet scarce 
any person could be more proudly and vio- 
lently prejudiced against both their persons 
and principles. 

Biib5<n-ibed. My acquaintance hitherto has been 
only with Mediodists of this latter descriptiou : aad 
C haie them only in view, Avhenever I use the term 



PART n. 



Containing a history of this change: the manner in 
Avhich, and the means by which it was at length 
effected. 

In January, 1774, two of my parishioners, 
a man and his wife, lay at the point of death. 
1 had heard of it, but according to my gene- 
ral custom, not being sent for, 1 took no 
notice of it : but one evening, the woman 
being already dead, and the man dying, I 

heard that my neighbour, Mr. , had been 

several times to visit them. Immediately my 
conscience reproached me with being shame- 
fally negligent, in setting at home within a 
few doors of dying persons, my general hear- 
ers, and never going to visit them. Directly 
it occurred to me, that whatever contempt I 

might have for Mr. 's doctrines, I must 

acknowledge his practice to be more consis- 
tent WLth the ministerial character than mine. 
He must have more zeal and love for souls 
than I had, or he would not have walked so 
far to visit and supply my lack of care to 
those who, as far as I was concerned, might 
have been left to perish in their S'ns. 



'ii: THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

This reflection, affected me so mach, that 
earnestly, yea, with tears and without delay, 
I besought the Lord to forgive my past neg- 
lect ; and resolved thenceforth to be more 
attentive to this duty : which resolution, 
though at first fonned in ignorant depen- 
dence on my own strength, I have by divine 
grace been enabled hitherto to keep. Imme- 
diately I went to visit the sumver ; and the 
affecting sight of one person already dead, and 
another expiring in the same chamber, serv- 
ed more deeply to impress my serious convic- 
tions ; and from that time I have constantly 
visited the sick of my parishes, as far as I had 
opportunity 5 and have endeavoured, to the 
best of my knowledge, to perform that essen- 
tial part of a parish minister's duty. 

Some time after this, a friend recommend 
ed to my perusal the conclusion of Bishop 
Burnet's History of His Own Times, espe- 
cially that part which respects the clergy. 
It had the intended effect : I was considera- 
bly instructed and impressed thereby ; 1 was 
convinced, that my entrance into the minis- 
try had been the result of ver\' wrong mo- 
tives, was preceded with a ver}^ unsuitable 
preparation, and accompanied with a ver>' 
improper conduct : some uneasiness was al- 
so excited in my mind, concerning my neg- 
lect of the important duties of that high call- 
ing. And though I was too much the slave 
of sin, devoted to other studies, and in love 
with this present world, to relinquish my 
flattering pursuit of reputation and prefer 



AN AUTHENTLC NARRATIVE 23 

ment, and change the coursse of my lite, stud- 
ies and employments : yet I experienced, 
by intervals, desires, and purposes, at some 
future period of devoting myself wholly to 
the work of the ministry, in the manner to 
which he exhorts the clergy. 

All these things increased the clamorous 
remonstrances of my conscience ; and at this 
time I lived without any secret religion, be- 
cause, without some reformation in my con- 
duct as a man and a minister, I did not dare 
to pray. My convictions would no longer be 
silenced or appeased ; and they became so 
intolerably troublesome, that I resolved to 
make one more effort toward amendment, 
[n good earnest, and not totally without seek- 
ing the asistance of the Lord by prayer, I at- 
tempted to break the chains wherewith Satan 
had hitherto held my soul in bondage. It 
pleased the Lord, that I at this time should 
obtain some advantages ; part of my grosser 
defilements I was enabled to relinquish, and 
to enter upon a form of devotion. Formal 
enough indeed it was ; for I neither knew that 
Mediator, through whom, nor that Spirit, by 
whom, prayers are offered with acceptance 
to God ; and yet though utterly in the dark 
as to the true and living v/ay to the throne 
of grace, I am persuaded, there were even 
then seasons, when I was enabled to rise 
above a mere form, and to offer petitions so 
far spiritual, as to be accepted and answered. 

I was now somewhat reformed in my out- 
ward conduct : but the renewing in the spirit 



24 TFIE FOUCE OF TRUTH ; 

of my mind, if begun, was scarce discernible. 
As my life was, in my own judgment, less 
wicked, my heart grew more proud ; — the 
idol self was the object of my adoration and 
obeisance : my worldly advancement was 
more eagerly sought than ever ; some jflatter- 
ing prospects seemed to open, and I resolved 
to improve my advantage to the uttermost. 
At the same time everything tended to in- 
crease my good opinion of myself; I was 
treated with kindness and friendship, by per- 
sons, from whom I had no reason to expect 
it ; my preaching was well received ; my ac- 
quaintance seemed to be courted ; my foolish 
heart verily believed, that all this, and much 
more, was due to my superior worth ; whilst 
conscience, which before, by its mortifying 
accusations was useful to preserve some sense 
of unworthiness in my mind, was now silenc- 
ed, or seemed to authorize that pride, which 
before it checked. And because I had the 
disadvantage of conversing in general with 
such persons, as either favored my senti- 
ments ; or out of good manners, or because 
they saw it would be in vain, would not con- 
tradict me ; I concluded that my scheme of 
doctrine was the exact standard of truth, and 
that by my superior abilities I was capable of 
confuting or convincing all, who were other- 
wise minded. In this view of the matter, 1 
felt an eager desire of entering into a religious 
controversy, especially with a Calvinist. 

It was at this time that my correspondence 
with Mr. commenced. At the visitation. 



AN AUTHENTIC NARllATiVE. 25 

May, 1775, we exchanged a few words in an 
argumentative way, in the room among the 
clergy, which I believe drew many eyes upon 
us. At that time he prudently declined the 
discourse, but a day or two after sent me a 
short note, and a little book for my perusal. 
This was the very thing I wanted, and I glad- 
ly embraced the opportunity, which, according 
to my wishes, seemed now to offer. This I 
did, God knoweth, with no inconsiderable 
expectations, that my arguments would prove 
irresistibly convincing, and that I should have 
the honor of rescuing a well-meaning person 
from his enthusiastical delusions. 

Indeed at this time I had conceived a very 
favorable opinion of, and sort of respect for 
him ; because I was acquainted with the 
character he sustained even among some per- 
sons, who expressed a disapprobation of his 
doctrines ; they were forward to commend 
him as a benevolent, disinterested and inoffen- 
siv^e person, and a laborious minister. On the 
other hand, I looked upon his religious sen- 
timents as rank ianaticism, and entertained a 
very contemptible opinion of his abilities, 
natural and acquired. Once I had the curi- 
osity to hear him preach, and not understand- 
ing his sermon, I made a very great jest of it, 
where I could do it without giving offence. 
I had also read one of his publications ; but 
for the same reason, I thought the greater 
part of it to be whimsical, paradoxical and 
unintelligible. 

Concealing, therefore, the true motives of 



26 THE FOr.CE OF TRUTH: 

my condua: under the offer of friendship, and 
a professed desire to know the truth, (which, 
amidst all my self-sufficiency and prejudice, I 
trust the Lord had even then given me,) 
with the greatest affectation of candor, and a 
mind open to conviction, I wrote him a long 
letter ; purposing to draw from him such an 
avowal, and explanation of his sentiments, as 
would introduce a controversial discussion of 
our religious differences. 

The event by no means answered my ex- 
pectation ; he returned me a very friendly 
and long answer to my letter ; in which he 
carefully avoided the mention of those doc- 
trines, which he knew would ofiend me : he 
declared, that he believed me to be one that 
feared God, and that was under the teaching 
of his Holy Spirit ; that he gladly accepted 
my offers of friendship, and was nowise in- 
clined to dictate to me ; but leaving me to the 
guidance of the Lord, would be glad, as occa- 
sion served, from time to time, to bear testi- 
mony to the truths of the Gospel, and to 
communicate his sentiments unto me, on any 
subject, with all the confidence of friendship. 

In this manner our correspondence began, 
and was continued, in the interchange of nine 
or ten letters, until December the same year. 
Throughout I held my purpose, and he his. 
I made use of every endeavour to draw him 
into controversy^, and filled my letters with 
definitions, inquiries, arguments, objections, 
and consequences, and required explicit an- 
swers 5 he, on the other hand, shunned every- 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. i27 

thing controversial, as much as possible, and 
filled his letters Avith the most useful, and 
least offensive instructions ; except that now 
and then he dropped hints concerning the ne- 
cessity, and the true nature and efficacy of 
faith, and the manner in which it was to he 
sought, and obtained ; and concerning some 
other matters, suited, as he judged, to help me 
forward in my inquiry after truth. But they 
much offended my prejudices, afforded me 
matter of disputation, and at that time were 
of little use to me. 

This, however, is certain, that through 
the whole of the correspondence, I disputed 
with every argument I could devise against 
almost every thing he advanced ; was very 
much nettled at many things he asserted ; I 
read great part of his letters, and some books 
he sent me, with much indifference and con- 
tempt ; construed his declining controversy 
into an acknowledgement of weakness ; and 
triumphed in many companies as having con- 
futed his arguments. And at the last, when 
I could not obtain my end, at my instance 
the correspondence was dropped. 

His letters and my answers are now by me ; 
and on a careful perusal of them, compared 
with all that I can recollect concerning this 
matter, 1 give this as a faithful account of 
this correspondence, though different from 
what has been represented. His letters will. 
I hope, shortly be made public, being such as 
promise greater usefulness to others, than, 
through my proud, contentious spirit, I expe- 



23 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

rienced from them. Mine deserve only lo be 
forgotten, except, as they are useful to me to 
remind me what I was, and to mortify my 
pride ; as they illustrate my friend's patience 
and candor, m so long bearing with my igno- 
rance and arrogance; and notwithstanding my 
unteachable, quarrelsome temper, continuing 
his benevolent labors for my good ; and espe- 
cially, as they remind me of the goodness 
of God, who, though he abominates and re- 
sists the proud, yet knows how to bring down 
the stout heart, not only by the iron rod of 
his wrath, but by the golden sceptre of his 
grace. 

In this manner our correspondence and 
acquaintance, for the present, were almost 
wholly broken off; for a long time we seldom 
m.et, and then only interchanged a few words 
on general topics of conversation. Yet ail 
along he perseveringly told me, to my no 
small offence, that I should accede one day to 
his religious principles ; that he had stood on 
my ground, and that I should stand on his ; 
and he constantly informed his friends, that, 
though slowly, I was surely feeling my way 
to the knowledge of the truth. So clearly 
could he discern the dawnings of grace in my 
soul, amidst all the darkness of depraved na- 
ture, and obstinate rebellion to the will of 
God. 

This expectation was prinK3ipally grounded 
on my conduct in the following circumstances : 
Immediately afi3r the commencement of our 
correspondence, namely, in May, 1775, whilst 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. ^9 

my thoughts were much engrossed hy some 
hopes of preferment ; one Sunday, during the 
time of divine service, when the psalm was 
named, I opened the prayer book to turn to it ; 
but, (accidentally shall I say, or providential- 
ly ?) I opened upon the articles of religion : 
and the eighth, respecting the authority and 
warrant of the Athanasian cre^d, immediate- 
ly engaged my attention. My disbelief of 
the doctrine of a trinity, co-equal persons in 
the unity of the Godhead, and my pretensions 
to candor, both combined to excite my hatred 
to this creed ; for which reasons, I had been 
accustomed to speak of it with contempt, and 
to neglect reading it officially. No sooner, 
therefore, did I read the words, " That it was 
to be thoroughly received and believed 5 for 
that it might be proved by most certain war- 
rants of holy scripture 5" than my mind was 
greatly impressed and affected. The matter 
of subscription immediately occurred, and 
from that moment I conceived such scruples 
about it, that until my view of the whole 
system of gospel doctrine was entirely chang- 
ed, they remained insuperable. 

'Tis wisely said by the son of Sirach, 
'•My son, if thou come to serve the Lord, 
prepare thy soul for temptation.^' I had 
twice before subscribed these articles, with 
the same religious sentiments I now enter- 
tained. But conscience being asleep, and the 
service of the Lord no part of my concern, I 
considered subscription as a matter of course, 
a necessary form, and very Httle troubled 



so THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

myself about it. But now, though full of 
pride, of ambition, and of the love of the 
world, my heart was sincerely toward the 
Lord, and I dared not to venture on a known 
sin deliberately, for the sake of temporal in- 
terest. Subscription to articles which I did 
no/' believe, paid as a price for church prefer- 
ment, I looked upon as an impious lie, a 
heinous guilt, that could never truly be re- 
pented of, without throwing back the wages 
of iniquity. The more I pondered it, the 
more strenuously my conscience protested 
against it. At length, after a violent conflict 
betwixt interest and conscience, I made known 
my scruples, and my determination not to 
subscribe : thus my views of preferment were 
deliberately given up, and with an increasing 
family I was left, as far as mere human pru- 
dence could discern, with little other prospect 
than that of poverty and distress. My scru- 
ple was, as I now see, a mistaken one 3 much 
self-sufficiency, undue warmth of temper, and 
obstinacy, were betrayed in the management 
of this affair, for w^hich I ought to be hum- 
bled. But my adherence to the dictates of 
my conscience, and holding last my integrity 
in such trying circumstances, 1 never did, nor 
I trust ever shall, repent of. 

No sooner was my determination known, 
than I w^as much blamed by many of my 
friends. They all, 1 am sensible, did it out 
of kindness to me, but they used arguments 
of different kinds. And though I was confirm- 
ed in my resolution by the reasonings used to 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE 31 

mduce me to alter it ; yet were they at length 
made instrumental in bringing me to this im- 
portant determination : " not to believe what 
any man said, as to take it upon his authority, 
but to search the word of God with this sin- 
gle intention, to discover whether the articles 
of the church of England in general, and this 
creed in particular, were, or were not agreea- 
ble thereto." 1 had studied the Scriptures in 
some measure before for the sake of becom- 
ing acquainted with the original languages, 
and in order to fetch thence detached texts to 
support m}^ own system ; and I had a tolera- 
ble acquaintance with the historical and per- 
ceptive parts of them : but I had not searched 
this precious repository of divine knowledge, 
with the express design of discovering the 
truth in controverted matters of doctrine. 
I had very rarely been troubled with suspi- 
cions that I was, or might be mistaken ; and 
now rather thought of becoming better quali- 
fied upon scriptural grounds to defend my 
determination, than of being led to any change 
of sentiments. 

However, I set about the inquiry ; and the 
first passage, as I remember, which made me 
suspect that I might be wrong, was James 
i. 5. " If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask 
of God, who giveth to all men liberally, and 
npbraideth not, and it shall be given him." 
On considering these words Vvdth some at- 
tention, I became conscious, that though I 
had thought myself wise, yet certainly I had 
obtained none of my wisdom in this man- 



32 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

ner ; for I had never offered one prayer to 
that effect in my life : and I also perceived 
this text contained a suitable direction, and 
an encouraging promise in my present inqui- 
ry : and from this time, in my poor manner, 
I began to ask God to give me this promised 
wisdom. 

Shortly after I meditated upon, and preach- 
ed from John vii. 16, 17. "My doctrine is 
not mine, but his that sent me ; if any man 
will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine 
whether it be of God, or whether I speak of 
myself." I w^as surprised that I had not be- 
fore attended to such remarkable words. I 
discovered that they contained a direction and 
a promise calculated to serve as a clue in ex- 
tricating the sincere inquirer after truth from 
that labyrinth of controversy w^herein, at his 
first setting out, he is like to be bewildered. 
And though my mind was too much leavened 
with the pride of reasoning, as yet to reap that 
benefit from this precious text, which it is ca- 
pable of affording to the soul that is humbly 
willing to be taught of God ; yet, being con- 
scious that I was willing to risk everything in 
doing what I thought liis will ; I was encour- 
aged with the assurance, that if I were under 
a mistake, I should sometime discover it. 

I was farther led to suspect that I might 
possibly be wrong, because I had not hitherto 
sought the truth in the proper manner, by at- 
tending to Proverbs iii. 5, 6. " Trust in the 
Lord with all thine heart, and lean not to thine 
own understand. ng : in all thy ways acknow- 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE S3 

ledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Evi- 
dently I had not hitherto trusted in the Lord 
with all my heart, nor acknowledged him in 
all my ways, nor depended on his directions 
in all my paths ; but in my religious specula- 
tions, had leaned wholly to my own under- 
standing. 

But though these passages and some others, 
made for the present a great impression upon 
me, and influenced me to make it a part of my 
daily prayers, that I might be directed to a 
right understanding of the word of God ; yet 
my pride and addictedness to controversy had, 
as some desperate disease, infected my whole 
soul, and I was not to be cured all at once. 
I was far from being like a little child, sitting 
humbly and simply at the Lord's feet, to learn 
from him the very first rudiments of divine 
knowledge. I had yet no abiding suspicion^ 
that all which I had heretofore accounted wis- 
dom, was foolishness, and must be unlearned, 
and counted loss, before I could attain to the 
excellency of the true knowledge of Jesus 
Christ : for though I began to allow it proba- 
ble, that in some few matters I might have 
been in an error, yet in the main I still was 
confident my scheme of doctrine was true* 
When I was pressed with objections and ar- 
guments against any of my sentiments, and 
when doubts began to arise in my mind, to 
put off the uneasiness thereby occasioned, my 
constant practice was to recollect, as far as I 
could, all the reasonings and interpretations of 
scripture, on the other side oV the question ; 
S 



34 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

and when this failed of affording satisfaction, 
I had r,ecourse to controversial writings. This 
drew me aside from the pure word of God, 
occasioned my being more remiss and fori^ai 
in prayer, and furnished me with defensive 
armor against my convictions, with fuel for 
my passions, and food ibr my pride and self 
sufficiency. 

At this time, " Locke's Reasonableness of 
Christianity," together with his " vindica- 
tions of it," became my lavorite piece of di- 
vinity. I studied this, and many other of 
Mr. Locke's works, with great attention, and 
a sort of bigoted fondness ; taking him almost 
implicitly for my master, adopting almost all 
his conclusions, borrowing many of his argu- 
ments, and being scarce able to endure such 
as would not agree with me in my partiality 
for him. This was of great disservice to 
me,* as, instead of getting forward in my in 
quiry after truth, I was thereby farnished 
with more ingenious and specious arguments, 
wherewith to defend my mistakes. 

^ After having spoken so freely of Mr. Locke's di 
vinity, which I once so highly esteemed, it seems \ 
piece of justice to acknowledge the very great obli 
gation:f, which the Avhole religious world is under t( 
this great man, for his Treatise on Toleration, anr 
his answers to those who wrote against it. Tiie 
grounds of religious liberty, and the reasons why ev- 
ery one should be left to his own choice, to worship 
God according to his conscience, were perhaps nev- 
er generally understood since the foundation of the 
world, until by these publications Mr. Locke imaa- 
swerably made them manifest. 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 35 

But I read one book at this time, because 
mentioned with approbation by Mr. Locke, 
that was of singular use, namely, " Bishop 
Burnet's Pastoral Care." Therein I found 
but little that offended my prejudices, and 
man}?- things, which came home to my con- 
science, respecting my ministerial obligations. 
A few short extracts I shall lay before the 
readier, that were most affecting to my own 
mind. Page 111, having mentioned the ques- 
tion proposed to those who are about to be 
ordained deacons : " Do you trust that you 
are inwardly moved by the Holy Ghost to 
take upon you this office, to serve God, for 
promoting his glory, and the edifying of his 
people .?" He adds, " Certamly the answer 
that is made to this, ought to be well consid- 
ered ; for if any one says, ' 1 trust so,' that 
yet knows nothing of any such motion, and 
3an give no account of it, he lies to the Holy 
Ghost, and makes his first approach to the 
altar with a lie in his mouth, and that not 
to men, but to God." And again, p. 112, 
" Shall not he (God) reckon with those, who 
dare to run without his mission, pretending 
that they trust they have it, when perhaps 
they understand not the importance of it ; 
nay, and perhaps some laugh at it, as an en- 
thusiastical question, who yet will go through 
with the office ! They come to Christ for 
the loaves ; they hope to live by the altar and 
the Gospel, how little soever they serve at 
the one, or preach at the other ; therefore 



36 rHE FORCE OF TSUTn : 

they will say anything that is necessary for 
qualifving them to this, whether true or false. 
Again, page 12-2, having interwoven a great 
part of the excellent office of the ordination 
of priests, into his argument concerning the 
.importance of the work and weight of the 
ministry ; he adds, '•' Upon the whole matter, 
either this is all a piece of gross and im})ru- 
dent pageantry, dressed up in grave and lofty 
expressions, to strike upon the weaker part 
of mankind, and to furnish the rest with mat- 
ter to their profane and impious scorn ; or it 
must he confessed that priests come under the 
most formal and express engagements to con- 
stant and diligent labor, that can be possibly 
contrived, or set forth in words.-' He con- 
cludes this subject of the ordination offices, 
with exhorting all candidates fjr orders, to 
read them frequently and attentively, during 
their season of preparation : that they may be 
aware beforehand of the obligations they are 
about so solemnly to enter into ; and to pe- 
ruse them at least lour times in a year, ever 
after their ordination, to keep in their minds 
a continual remembrance of their important 
engagements. How necessary this counsel is, 
every minkter, or candidate for the ministry, 
must determine for himself: for my part, 1 
had never read the office over once, when I 
was ordained, and was, in a great measure, a 
stranger to the obligations I was about to en- 
ter into, until the very season : nor did I ever 
afterward attend thereto, till this advice pu^ 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 37 

me upon it. The shameful negligence, and 
extreme absurdity of my conduct in this re- 
spect, are too glaring not to be understood, 
and applied, by every one, who hath been 
guilty of a similar omission. I would, there- 
fore, only just mention, that hearty, earnest 
prayer to God, for his guidance, help, and 
blessing, may be suitably recommended as a 
proper attendant on such perusal of our ob- 
ligations. 

Again, p. 147, he thus speaks of a wicked 
clergyman : " His whole life has been a 
coarse of hypocrisy in the strictest sense of 
the word, which is the acting of a part, and 
the counterfeiting another person. His sins 
have in them all possible aggravations 5 they 
are against knowledge and against vows, and 
contrary to his character : they carry in them 
a deliberate contempt of all the truths and 
obligations of religion 5 and if he perishes, he 
doth not perish alone, but carries a shoal 
down with him, either of those who have 
perished in ignorance through his neglect, 
or of those who have been hardened in their 
sins through his ill example." Again, p. 138, 
having copiously discoursed of the studies be- 
fitting ministers, especially the study of the 
Scriptures, he adds, " But to give all these 
their full effect, a priest that is much in his 
study, ought to employ a great part of his 
time in secret and fervent prayer, for the di- 
rection and blessing of God in his labors, for 
the constant assistance of his Holy vSpirit, 
and for a lively sense of divine matters ; that 



89 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

SO he may feel the impressions of them grow 
deep and strong upon his thoughts ; this, and 
this only, will make him go on with his work 
without wearying, and be alwavs rejoicing 
in it." 

But the chief benefit which accrued to me 
from the perusal of this book, was this : 1 
was excited by it to an attentive considera- 
tion of those Scriptures which speak of the 
obligations and duties of a minister, and which 
hitherto I had not observed, or very loosely 
attended to. In particular, it is yet fresh in 
my memory, that I was much affected with 
considering the charge of precious souls com- 
mitted to me, and the awful account one day 
to be rendered of them ; as this subject oc- 
curred to me in meditating on Ezekiel xxxiii. 
7, 9. " So thou, O son of man ! I have set 
thee as a watchman unto the house of Israel : 
therefore thou shalt hear the word at my 
mouth, and warn them from me. When I 
say unto the wicked, O wicked man, thou 
shalt surely die ; if thou dost not speak to warn 
the wicked from his way, that wicked m.an 
shall die in his iniquity, but his blood will I 
require at thine hand. Nevertheless, if thou 
warn the wicked of his way, to turn from it ; if 
he do not turn from his way, he shall die in 
his iniquity, but thou hast delivered thy soul.*' 
I was iuily convinced with Bishop Burnet, 
that every minister is as much concerned in 
this solemn warning, as the propfiet himiself 
Acts XX. 17 — 35, w^as another portion of Scrip- 
ture^ which by means of this book was 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. S9 

brought home to my conscience ; especially 
ver. 26, 27, 23, which serve as an illustratioij 
of the foregoing Scripture : " Wherefore I 
take you to record this day, that I am pure 
from the blood of all men, for I have not 
shunned to declare unto you ail the counsel 
of God. Take heed, therefore, unto your- 
selves, and to all the flock over which the 
Holy Ghost hath made you overseers, to feed 
the church of God, which he hath purchased 
with his own blood." 

In short, at his instance I was put upon the 
attentive and repeated perusal of the Epistles 
to Timothy and Titus, as containing the sum 
of a minister's duty in all ages. I searched 
out, and carefully considered every text I 
could find in the whole Scripture, which re- 
ferred to this argument. I was greatly im- 
pressed by 1 Cor. ix. 16. " For necessity is 
laid upon me : yea, wo is me, if I preach not 
the Gospel." Nor was I less struck with 
Colossians, iv. 17. " Say to Archippus, Take 
heed to the ministry which thou hast receiv- 
ed of the Lord, that thou fulfil it." This 
was brought to my conscience with power, as" 
if the Apostle had in person spoken these 
words to me. Bnt especially I was both in- 
structed and encouraged by meditating upon 
1 Peter v. 2—4. " Feed the flock of God 
that is among you, taking the oversight there 
of, not by constraint, but willingly ; not for 
filthy lucre, but of a ready mind, neither as 
being lords over God's heritage, but as exam- 
ples to the flock : and when the chief shep- 



40 THE FORCE OF TRUTH • 

herd shall appear, ye shall receive a crown of 
glory, that fadeth not away." 

I hepe the reader will excuse my prolixity 
in speaking on this subject ; because in itseff 
it is very important ; and though I got no new 
view^s of gospel truth from this book, yet 1 re- 
ceived such a deep conviction of the difficulty 
and importance of that work, in which I had 
thoughtlessly engaged, and of the imminent 
danger my soul was exposed to, if I neglected 
to dev^ote myself wdiolly thereto ; that there- 
in was laid the foundation of all my subse- 
quent conduct, and change of sentiment. In- 
deed, I was guilty of very criminal procrasti- 
nation, after I had been thus convinced ; and 
being engaged more than I ought in other mat- 
ters, I postponed and neglected, for a time, 
complying with the dictates of my conscience. 
But I never lost sight of the instruction I had 
received, nor ever had any comfortable reflec- 
tion, until having broken off all other engage- 
ments, I had given m\^self up to those studies 
and duties which pertain unto the work of the 
ministry. And I have cause to bless God, 
that this book ever came in my way. 

Still, however, my self confidence was very 
little abated, and my advance in the know- 
ledge of the truth very small. I next read 
Tillotson's sermons, and Jortin^s works ; and 
ray time being otherwise engaged, I gave in to 
the indolent custom of transcribing their dis- 
courses w4th some alterations, to preach to 
my people. This precluded ^:ee n>editation 
on the Tvord of God, and led me for a time te 



AN AUl^HENTIC NARRATIVE. 41 

take up my opinions upon trust. My preach- 
ing was in general that smooth palatable mix- 
ture of law and gospel^ which corrupts both ; 
which, flattering the pride and prejudice, and 
soothing the conscience, pleases the careless 
sinner, and self-righteous formalist ; but does 
real good to none. 

About this time I foolishly engaged in a 
course of diversion and visiting, more than 1 
had done since my ordination : this unfitted 
me for secret prayer and close meditation, and 
rendered the Scriptures, and other religious 
studies, insipid and irksome to me, (a never- 
failing consequence of this vain compliance 
with the world.) For a time, therefore, my 
ardor was damped, my anxiety banished, 
and my inquiries retarded. However, I was 
not permitted entirely to drop my religious 
pursuits ; generally I made it a rule to read 
something in the Scriptures every day, and 
had a task of daily devotion ; but I was very 
formal and lifeless in both of them. 

Yet not long after I was engaged in earnest 
meditation on our Lord^s discourse with Nic- 
odemus, (John iii.) I felt an anxious desire to 
understand this interesting portion of Scrip- 
ture ; especially to know what it was to be 
born again, or from above, and of the Spirit ; 
which in five verses our Saviour hath three 
times declared absolutely necessary to salva 
tion. It was absurd to suppose that such 
strong expressions implied no more than bap- 
tism with water. Tillotson's controversial 
sermons on this subject, afforded me no satis- 



4'2 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

faction. Some great and total change I sup- 
iX)sed to be intended, not only in the behavior 
but also in the heart. But having not yet 
clearly experienced that change, I could not 
understand wherein it consisted. How^ever, 
having offered some poor prayers for divine 
teaching, I undertook to preach upon it ; but 
I talked very darkly, employed a considerable 
part of my time in declaiming agamst vision- 
aries and enthusiasts, and reaped very little 
benefit from it. Yet I was so well satisfied 
with my performance, that in the course of my 

correspondence with Mr. , I sent him 

these sermons for his perusal ; who, in return, 
sent me some of his OAvn upon tlie same sub- 
ject. But though sincerely desirous to un- 
derstand our Lord's meaning in this impor- 
tant matter, I w^as too proud to be taught by 
him : I cast my eye, therefore, carelessly, over 
some of them, and returned the manuscript 
without attending to anything contained in it. 

Nothing material occurred after this, until 
the next spring, 1776 ; when I was induced 
by what I had learned from Bishop Burnet, 
to establish a lecture once a week in one of 
my parishes, for expounding the Scriptures 
This brought many passages, which I had 
not obsen^ed, under attentive consideration, 
and afforded my reflecting mind abundance of 
employment, in attempting to reconcile them 
with eac-h other, and w^th my scheme of doc* 
trine. 

Little progress, however, had been made, 
when, in Mayj 1776, I heard a dignified cler 



\N AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 43 

gyman, in a visitation sermon, recommend 
Mr. Soame Jennyn's "Treatise on the internal 
evidences of Christianity." In consequence ol' 
this recommendation, I perused it, and not un- 
profitably. The truth and importance of the 
gospel revelation appeared with convincing 
evidence to my understanding, and came with 
efficacy to my heart, by reading this book : 
thence I received more distinct and heart- 
affecting views of the design of God in this 
revelation of himself; and I was led to much 
serious reflection, and earnest prayer, to be 
led to, or established in the truth, concerning 
the nature and reality of the atonement by the 
death of Christ , for hitherto I was a Socin- 
ian, or very little better in this respect. 

But 10 counterbalance this advantage, Dr. 
Clarke's Scripture doctrine of the Trinity, 
and ihe controversy which ensued upon its 
publication, became a favorite part of my stu- 
dy. The Arian scheme seems so inconsist- 
ent with reason, that when reflecting men, in 
order to avoid those mysterious, and, as they 
imagine, unreasonable conclusions, whic-h, ac- 
cording to the true meaning of words, the 
Scriptures contain, have been induced to be- 
come Arians ; it is wonderful they do not, for 
the same cause, embrace the Socinian system. 
This is the natural progress of unhumbled 
reason ; from Arianism to Socinianism ; from 
Socinianism to Deism ; and then to Atheism- 
Many and awful have been the examples of 
reasoning and learned men, who, under the 
name of philosophers, arrogating to them- 



44 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

selves the prerogative of superior discernment, 
hav^e manifested the propriety with which 
they claimed this pre-eminence, by treading 
this downhill road, almost, if not quite, to the 
very bottom. 

But when a man has fallen so low as So- 
cinianism, not merely for want of information, 
or by blindly and implicitly adopting the sen- 
timents of other men, but by leaning on his 
own understanding, and preferring the con- 
clusions of his own reason, to the infallible dic- 
tates of the Holy Ghost ; it is not common for 
him to return gradually by the retrograde 
path, first to Arianism, and then to the re- 
ceived doctrine of the Trinity. Yet this was 
my case. Dr. Clarke appeared to me so un- 
deniably to establish his argument, by express 
Scripture evidences, and so plausibly defended 
his s^^stem on both hands, and backed his 
cause with so many seeming authorities, that 
on one side I found myself unable any longer 
to maintain my Socinian principles, but was 
constrained to relinquish them as untenable ; 
and on the other, I was not aware of the flaw 
in his reasoning, and the unavoidable conse- 
quence of his middle doctrine ; namely, that 
the Son, and the Holy Ghost, however exalt- 
ed, or dignified with names and titles, must 
either be mere creatures, or that otherwise 
there must be three Gods. Not perceiving 
this, and my newly acquired reverence for 
Scripture, and my old self-confidence and fond- 
ness for reasoning, being, by this conciliating 
scheme, both humored, I cordially acceded 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 45 

to his sentiments, and for a long time could 
not endure any other doctrine. 

Nothing farther, of any consequence, oc- 
curred till about December, 1776, when Mr. 
Law's " Serious Call," a book I had hitherto 
treated with contempt, was carelessly taken 
up by me. But I had no sooner opened it, 
than I was struck with the originality of the 
work, and the spirit and force of argument 
wherewith it is written. This I speak mere- 
ly as to his management of the subject he 
treats of; for there are many things in it, 
that I am far from approving ; and to be sure 
it contains as little gospel, as any book of re- 
ligion I am acquainted with. JBut though a 
very uncomfortable book for a person who is 
duly brought under a serious concern for his 
soul ; yet it is very useful to prepare the way, 
to show the need which we have of a Saviour, 
and to enforce the practice of that holy dili- 
gence in the use of means, which the impor- 
tant interests of eternity reasonably demand. 
This was its use to me. By the perusal of 
it, I was convinced that I was guilty of great 
remissness and negligence ; that the duties of 
secret devotion called for far more of my time 
and attention than had been hitherto allotted 
to them ; that if I hope to save my own soul, 
and the souls of those that heard me, I must 
in this respect greatly alter my conduct, and 
increase my diligence in seeking and serving 
the Lord. From that time I began to study 
in what manner my devotions might be render- 
ed more fervent and pertinent ; I transcribed 



46 THE FORCE OF TRL'TH. 

and laid up in my memor\' j Scripture petitions; 
I employed sometime in reading manuals of 
devotion, made attempts to compose prayers 
myself, and became nx)re frequent and ear- 
nest, and I trust more spiritual than hereto- 
fore, in my secret addresses to the Majesty of 
Heaven. 

About this time, after many delays, I com- 
plied T\'ith the admonitions of my conscience, 
and disengaged myself l>om all my other em- 
ployments, with a solemn resolution of leav- 
ing ail my temporal concerns in the hands of 
the Lord, and of entirely devoting myself to 
the work of the ministr3\ Being thus become 
master of all my time, I dropped every other 
study, and turned the whole current of my 
reflections, inquiries, and reading into another 
channel, and thenceforth scarce opened a 
book, which treated of anytliing beside re- 
ligion 

The first step I took after this disengage- 
ment, was to keep commonplace books ; one 
I had lor noting down remarkable passages 
out of other authors ; and another for collect- 
ing into one view every text I could meet with 
in Scripture, respecting the most important 
and controverted doctrines of the gospel. 
Though 1 held this but a little time, (for 
when my engagements multiplied, 1 dropped 
it,) yet I f^und it very useful, m bringing me 
acquainted with many passages of the word 
of God, to which I had not hitherto much at- 
tended ; and it prepared the way for penning 
rny sermons on doctrinal subjects, with the 



AN AUTPIENTIC NARRATIVE. 47 

scripture testimonies concerning the point in 
hand, in one view before me. 

In January^ 1777, I met with a very high 
commendation of Mr. Hooker's works, with 
the honorable distinction of judicious be- 
stowed upon him. This excited my curiosity 
to read his book, which accordingly I did, 
with great profit. In his discourse upon 
justification, page 496, folio edition, printed 
1682, I met with the following remarkable 
passage, which, as well for its excellency, as 
for the effect thereof upon my religious views, 
I shall, though somewhat long, transcribe. 
"' If O'Ur hands did never offer violence to our 
brethren, a bloody thought doth prove ns 
murderers before him. If we had never open- 
ed our mouth to utter any scandalous, of- 
fensive, or hurtful word, the cry of our secret 
cogi-tations is heard in the ears of God. If 
we did not commit the sins, which daily and 
hourly, in deed, word, or thoughts, we do 
commit ; yet in the good things which we do, 
how many defects are there intermingled ! 
God, in that which is done, respecteth the 
mind and intention of the doer ; cut off then 
all those things, wherein we have regarded 
our own glory, those things which men do to 
please men, and to satisfy our own liking, 
those things which we do for any by respect, 
not sincerely, and purely for the love of God ; 
and a small score will serve for the number 
of our righteous deeds. Let the holiest and 
best things which we do, be considered : we 
are never better affected unto God, than when 



43 THE FORCE OF TRUTH. 

we pray ; 3^et when we pray, how are our aP- 
fections many times distracted ! how little 
reverence do we show unto the grand Majes- 
ty of heaven, unto whom we speak ! how lit- 
tle remorse of our own miseries ! how little 
taste of the sweet influence of his tender mer- 
cies do we feel ! Are we not as unwilling ma- 
ny times to hegin, and as glad to make an end, 
as if in saying, * Call upon me,' he had set us 
a very burdensome task ? It may seem some- 
what extreme, which I will speak ; therefore 
let every one judge of it, even as his own 
heart shall tell him, and no otherwise. I will 
but only make a demand ! if God should 
yield unto us, not as unto Abraham ; if fifty, 
forty, thirty, t\^^enty, yea, or if ten good per- 
sons could be found in a city, for their sakes, 
the city should not be destroyed : but, and if 
he should make us an offer thus large : Search 
all the generations of men since the fall of our 
tather Adam ; find one man, that hath done 
one action, Avhich hath passed from him pure 
without any stain or blemish at all ; and for 
that one man's only action, neither men nor 
angels shall feel the torments which are pre- 
pared for both. Do ycm think that this ran- 
som to deliver men and angels could be found 
among the sons of men r The best things 
which we do have somewhat in them to be 
pardoned; how then can we do anything meri 
torious, or worthy to be rewarded r Indeed. 
God libera ly proraiseth whatsoever appertain 
eth to a blessed life t.o as many as sincerely 
keep hLs law, though they be not exactly ab' 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATt 49 

to do it. Wherefore we acknowledge a duti- 
ltd necessity of doing well, but the meritorious 
dignity of doing well we utterly renounce. 
VVe see how far we are from the perfect righ- 
teousness of the law : the little fruit, which 
we have in holiness, it is, God knoweth, cor- 
rupt and unsound ; we put no confidence at 
all in it ; we challenge nothing in the world 
for it ; we dare not call God to reckoning, as 
if we had him in our debt books. Our con- 
tinual suit to him is, and must be, to bear with 
our infirmities, and pardon our offences." 

I had no sooner read this passage, than I 
acquired such an insight into the strictness 
and spirituality of the divine law, and the 
perfection which a just and holy God, accord- 
ing to that law, cannot but require in all the 
services of his reasonable creatures ; that I 
clearly perceived my very best duties on which 
my main dependence had hitherto been placed, 
to be mere specious sins ; and my whole life 
appeared to be one continued series of trans- 
gressions. I now understood the apostle's 
meaning, when he affirms, " That by the 
works of the law can no flesh be justified be- 
fore God." All my difficulties in this matter 
vanished ; all my distinctions and reasonings 
about the meanmg of the words law and jus- 
'fification, and all my borrowed criticisms about 
them, failed me at once. I could no longer 
be thus amused ; for I was convinced, beyond 
the possibility of a doubt, that all men were 
so notoriously transgressors of every law of 
(xod, that they none of them could be justified 
4 



50 THE FORCE OF TRUTH 

in his sight, according to any law : I was sen- 
sible that if God should only call me into 
judgment before him, according to the strict- 
ness of his perfect law, for the best duty I 
ever performed, I must "be condemned as a 
transgressor ; when weighed in these exact 
balances, it would be found wanting. Thus 
was I effectually convinced, that if ever I 
were saved, it must be in some way of im- 
merited mercy and grace, though I understood 
not clearly in what way, till long after. Im- 
mediately, therefore, I took for my text, 
Galatians iii. 22. " But the Scripture hath 
concluded all under sin, that the promise thai 
is by faith in Jesus Christ, might be given to 
them that believe 5" and preached from it ac- 
cording to Hooker's doctrine ; expressing, as 
strongly as I could, the defilements of our best 
actions, and our need of mercy in everything 
we did ; in order the more evidently to show 
that salvation was of grace, through faith, not 
of works, lest any man should boast. How- 
ever, I had not yet attained unto the know- 
ledge of the foulness of that fountain whence 
all these polluted streams flow forth so plen- 
tifully into our lives and conversations. 

I was not then able to receive the follow- 
ing nervous passages concerning justification, 
( p. 495.) "But the rightp^-isness, wherein 
we must be found, if we will t>t5 justified, is not 
our own ; therefore we cannot be justified by 
any inherent quality ; Christ hath merited 
righteousness for as many as are found in him. 
fn him God findeth us if we be faHhful ; for 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE 51 

by faith we are incorporated into Christ. 
Then, although in ourselves we be altogethei 
sinful and unrighteous, yet even the man who 
is impious in himself, full of iniquity, full of 
sin ; him being found in Christ through faith, 
and having his sin remitted through repent- 
ance ; him God upholdeth with a gracious eye, 
putteth away his sin by not imputing it : 
taketh quite away the punishment due there 
unto by pardoning it ; and accepteth him in 
,fesus Christ as perfectly righteous, as if he 
had fulfilled all that was commanded him in 
the law. Shall I say more perfectly right- 
eous, than if himself had fulfilled the whole 
law .'* I must take heed what I say ; but the 
apostle saith, ' God made him to be sin for 
us, who knew no sin, that we might be made 
the righteousness of God in him.' Such are 
we in the sight of God the Father, as is the 
very Son of God himself Let it be counted 
folly, or frenzy, or fury, whatsoever ; it is our 
comfort and our wisdom ; we care for no 
knowledge in the world but this, that man 
hath sinned, and God hath suffered ; that God 
hath made himself the Son of man, and that 
men are made the righteousness of God." 

Equally determinate and expressive is what 
he says, p. 500, " As for such as hold with the 
church of Rome, that we cannot be saved by 
Christ alone without works, they do not only 
by a circle of consequence, but directly, deny 
the foundation of faith ; they hold it not ; no, 
not so much as by a single thread." If the 
judicious Mr. Hooker's judgment may, in 



52 THE FORCE OF TRCTTH: 

this important concern, be depended on, as I 
suppose it will not easily be proved erroneous, 
I fear the foundation of faith is only held by 
a small part of that church which has honor- 
ed her champion \vith this distinction. 

Page 503 and 509, he thus defends his doc- 
trine against the objections of the Papists, (for 
at that time none but the Papists objected to 
it,) "It is a childish cavil, wherewith, in the 
matter of justification, our adversaries do so 
greatly please themselves, exclaiming that we 
tread all Christian virtues under our feet, and 
require nothing of Christians but faith ; be- 
cause we teach that faith alone justifieth. 
Whereas, by this speech we never meant to 
exclude either hope or charity from being al- 
ways joined as inseparable mates w^ith faith, 
in the man that is justified ; or works from be- 
ing added as necessary duties required at the 
hands of every justified man ; — but to shoTV 
that faith is the only hand w^hich putteth on 
Christ unto justification ; and Christ the only 
garment, w^hich being so put on, covereth the 
shame of our defiled natures — hideth the im- 
perfection of our w^orks — preserveth us blame- 
less in the sight of God : before whom, other- 
wise, the weakness of our faith were cause 
sufficient to make us culpable, yea, to shut us 
trom the kingdom of heaven, where nothing 
that is not absolute can enter." 

Had I at this time met W'ith such passages 
m the writings of the Dissenters, or any of 
those modern publications, which, under the 
Orand of methodistical, are condemned with^ 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE 53 

out reading, or perused with invincible preju- 
dice, I should not have thought them worth 
regard, but should have rejected them as wild 
enthusiasm. But I knew that Hooker was 
deemed perfectly orthodox, and a standard 
writer, by the prelates of the church in his 
own days. I learned from his dispute with 
Mr. Travers, that he was put upon his de- 
fence, for making concessions in this matter to 
the church of Rome, which the zealous Pro- 
testants did not think warrantable ; that he 
was judged by the more rigid, too lax in his 
doctrines ; by none too rigid. 1 had never 
heard that it had been insinuated, that he 
was tinctured with enthusiasm ; and the so- 
lidity of his judgment, and acuteness of his 
reasoning faculties, needed no voucher to the 
attentive reader. His opinion therefore car- 
ried great weight with it ; made me suspect 
the truth of my former sentiments, and put 
me upon serious inquiries, and deep medita- 
tion upon this subject, accompanied with ear- 
nest prayers for the teaching and direction of 
the Lord therein. The result was, that after 
many objections, and doubts, and much ex- 
amination of the word of God, in a few 
months I began to accede to Mr. Hooker's 
sentiments. And at the present my opinion 
in this respect, as far as I know, coincides 
with these passages of this eminent author, 
and is supported and vindicated with the 
same arguments ; he, therefore, who would 
prove our doctrine of justification by faith 
alone to be an erro^" will do well to answer 



54 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

in the first place these quotations from Mr 
Hooker. 

And, indeed, as far as I can understand 
him, there is scarce any doctrine, which, with 
no inconsiderable oflence, I now preach, that 
IS not as evidently contained in his writings, 
as in my sermons. Witness particularly his 
" Discourse of the certainty, and perpetuity 
of faith in the elect," in which the doctrine 
of the final perseverance of true believers, as 
far as seems v/orth contending for, is express- 
ly taught and maintained : And he closes it 
v/ith this noble triumph of full assurance, as 
resulting from that comfortable doctrine in 
the hearts of confirmed and experienced 
Christians : (page 532.) " I know in whom I 
have believed ; I am not ignorant whose pre- 
cious blood has been shed for me ; I have a 
shepherd full of kindness, full of care, full of 
power ; unto him I commit myself His 
own finger hath engraven this sentence in the 
tables of my heart : Satan hath desired to 
loinnow thee as wheat, but I have prayed that 
thy faith fail not ; therefore the assurance of 
my hope I will labor to keep as a jewel unto 
the end, and by labor through the gracious 
mediation of his prayers, I shall keep it." 
With such words in my mouth, and such as- 
surance in my heart, I wish to live, and hope 
to die. 

The insertion of these quotations from this 
old author, I hope will need no apology; many 
have not his works, and these extracts are 
worthy of fheir perusal ; others, from these 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 55 

specimens, may be prevailed on to read, what 
perhaps hath hitherto been an unnoticed book 
in their studies. Especially I recommend to 
those who admire him as the champion of 
their external order and discipline of the 
church, and such as willingly allow him the 
honor of being distinguished by the epithet 
judicious ; that they would attentively read, 
and impartially consider his doctrine. This 
would put an effectual stop to those declama- 
tions, that either ignorantly or maliciously are 
made against those very doctrines as novel in- 
ventions, which have just now been explained 
and defended, in Mr. Hooker's own words. 
For my own part, though 1 acknowledge that 
he advances m.any things I should be unwil- 
ling to subscribe to ; yet I heartily bless God, 
that at this time 1 read him ; the first mate- 
rial alteration that took place in my views of 
the Gospel, being in consequence thereof 

One more quotation I shall produce, and so 
take my leave of him ; (page 552,) addressing 
himself unto the pastors, who are appointed 
to feed the chosen in Israel, he says, " If there 
be any feeling of Christ, any drop of heaven- 
ly dew, any spark of God's good Spirit v/ithin 
you, stir it up : be careful to build and edify, 
tirst yourselves, and then your flocks, in his 
most holy faith. I say, first yourselves ; for 
he, which will set the hearts of other men on 
fire with the love of Christ, must himself 
burn with love. It is. want of faith in our- 
selves, my brethren, which makes us watch- 
less, ( careless, ) in building others. We 



56 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

forsake the Lord's inheritance, and feed It 
not. What is the reason of this ? Our own 
desires are settled where they should not be. 
We ourselves are like those women, which 
have a longing to eat coals, and lime, and filth ; 
we are fed, some with honor, some w^ith ease, 
some with wealth. The Gospel waxeth 
loathsome and unpleasant in our taste. How^ 
should we then have a care to feed others 
with that we cannot fancy ourselves ? If faith 
w^ax cold and slender in the heart of the 
prophet, it w^ill soon perish from the ears of 
the people." 'Tis not needful to add any re- 
flections upon this passage ; every one will 
readily make them for himself; we are, how^- 
ever, reminded thereby of Solomon's words, 
(Eccl. i. 9, 10.) '• There is no n^ew thing 
under the sun ; is there anything ^vhereof it 
may be said, see this is new ? It hath been 
alread}^ of old time which w^as before us." 
(Eccl. iii. 15.) "That which hath been, is 
now, and that which is to be, hath already 
been." 

To my shame be it spoken, though I had 
twice subscribed the articles which allow the 
book of Homilies to be sound and wholesome 
doctrine, I had never yet seen them, and un- 
derstood not w'hat that doctrine was. But 
now, being engaged in a serious inquiry after 
truth, and Hooker's w^orks having given me 
a most favorable opinion of these old authors, 
I was inclined to examine them ; and read 
part of the book with some degree of atten- 
tion. And though many things seemed hard 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE 57 

sayings, that I could not receive ; yet many 
others were made very useful to me, especial- 
ly concerning justification. In short, I per- 
ceived that that doctrine which I had hitherto 
despised as methodistical, was the standard 
doctrine of the established church, when that 
book was composed ; and, consequently, that 
it was so still : for that book has lost none of 
its authority ; though much of its esteem 
with those who subscribe the thirty-nine ar- 
ticles. This weakened my prejudice, though 
it did not prove the doctrine true. 

About this time a new and unexpected ef- 
fect was produced by my preaching. I had 
hitherto been satisfied to see people regularly 
frequent the church, listen attentively to 
what was discoursed, and lead moral, decent 
lives. The way in which I had been led was 
so smooth, and the progress I had made so 
gradual ; I nad lately so little experienced dis- 
tressing concern for my own soul, and had so 
little acquaintance with persons conversant 
with these matters ; that though I declared 
the strictness, and spirituality, and sanction 
of the law of God in an alarming manner, yet 
it never occurred to me but that they who 
profited thereby, would proceed in the same 
easy gradual way. But I had scarce begun 
this new method of preaching, when applica- 
tion was made to me by persons in great dis- 
tress about their souls ; their conscience being 
awakened to a sense of their lost condition by 
nature and practice, they were anxious in in- 
(j[uiring, what they must do to be saved ? I 



58 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

knew not well what to say to them, my views 
bemg very clouded, and my sentiments very 
perplexed concerning justification : but being 
willing to give them the best counsel I could, 
I exhorted them to believe in the Lord Jesua 
Christ, though I was neither capable of in- 
structing them concerning the true nature of 
faith, nor in what manner they were to seek 
for it. However, I better understood my 
own meaning, when I advised them to the 
study of the Scriptures, accompanied with 
prayer to God, to be led to the right under- 
standing of them 5 and when I inculcated 
amendment of life. In this manner the Lord 
slowly brought them forward ; and though, 
for want of a better instructer, they were a 
considerable time before they arrived at estab- 
lishment in the faith, yet some of them, hav- 
ing their minds less leavened with prejudice 
and the pride of reasoning, were more apt 
scholars in the school of Christ tban I was, 
and got the start of me in the knowledge both 
of doctrine and duty ; and in thein turns 
became, though without intending it, in 
some things my monitors, to my no small 
advantage. 

This singular circumstance of being the 
instrument of a work of grace in others, 
whilst I myself so little understood the trut 
Gospel of Jesus Christ, very much increased 
my perplexity. I became doubly earnest to 
know the truth lest I should mislead those 
who confided their precious souls to me, as 
their spiritual instructer. This added to my 



AN At^/lB TIC NARRATIVE. 59 

ttiligence in reading and meditating on the 
word of God ; and made me more earnest in 
prayer to be guided to the knowledge of the 
truth. And under every difficulty I constant- 
ly had recourse unto the Lord to preserve me 
from ignorance and error, and to enable me 
to distinguish between the doctrines of his 
wordj and the inventions and traditions of 
men. 

At this time I established a weekly lecture 
for expounding Scripture in my other parish, 
which occasioned my farther acquaintance 
with the various parts of the word of God. 
It was my general practice in penning these 
lectures, to search out all the Scriptures refer- 
red to in the margin, and all others I could 
recollect upon the subject, and to make use 
of them in explaining each other. This 
method enabled me to store my memory with 
texts of Scripture, and made way for a greater 
exactness in discussing doctrinal subjects, than 
I had hitherto been acquainted with. 

In the course of this winter, 1777, I was 
engaged in deep meditation upon Luke xi. 9. 
13 ; concerning the Holy Spirit being given 
in answer to prayer. And, at length, having 
made a collection of all the Scriptures I could 
meet with which respected that important 
doctrine, and having diligently compared them 
together, and meditated upon them, and be- 
sought the Lord to fulfil the promise to my 
soul, 1 wrote two sermons upon the subject ; 
one from Luke xi. 13. — "If ye then, being 
evil, know how to give good gifts unto your 



I 



60 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

children, liow much more shall your heavenly 
Father give the Holy S[)irit to tliem that ask 
him." The other from James i. 16^ 17. — 
" Do not err, my beloved brethren, every 
good gift, and every perfect gift, is from above, 
and conieth down from the Father of Lights." 
By this my views of a Christian's privileges 
and duties in this respect, were much enlarg- 
ed, and my requests were made known unto 
the Lord in a more full, exact, and believing 
manner, than heretofore. Though much in 
the dark in many important matters respect- 
ing the person, offices, and work of the Holy 
Ghost ; yet I had discovered more of what 
was promised concerning him, and therefore 
knew better what to ask for. 

My obligations to Bishop Beveridge are 
next to be acknowledged. When I first be- 
gan to peruse his sermons, I conceived a mean 
opinion of him, and it was sometime belbre 
I could prevail w^ith myself to examine any 
farther into his writings ; but being now 
farther advanced in my inquiry after truth, 
those singularities which at first offended me 
became tolerable, and I began to relish the 
simplicity, spirituality, and love of Christ, antl 
afiection for souls, which eminently shine 
forth in many places of his works. Indeed I 
received considerable instruction from him , 
but especially his sermon on the real satisfac 
tion made by the death of Christ for the sins 
of believers, was the blessed means of clearinjo 
up my views, and confirming my faith respect 
mg that fundamental doctrine of Christianity 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIfE. '1 

On Good Friday, 1777, I preached a sermon 
upon that subject, from Isaiah liii. 6. " All 
we like sheep have gone astray ; — we have 
turned every one to his own way, and the 
Lord hath laid, (hath caused to light,) on 
him the iniquities of us all." Wherein I en- 
deavoured to prove that which hath ever since 
been the sole foundation of all my hopes ; 
namely, that Christ indeed bore the sins of 
all who should ever truly believe in all their 
guilt, condemnation, and deserved punish- 
ment in his body on the tree. And I explicit- 
ly avowed my belief, that Christ, as our 
surety and bondsman, stood in our law place, 
to answer all our obligations, and to satisfy 
divine justice, and the demands of the law 
for our offences : and I publicly renounced, 
as erroneous and grievous perversions of 
Scripture, all my former explanations and 
interpretations of these subjects. 

This was the first doctrine in which I was 
clearly and fully brought to acknowledge the 
truth, though I had with no little earnestness 
for two years been inquiring about it ; to sci 
astonishing a degree was my blinded under- 
standing filled with prejudice against the doc* 
trines of the word of God ! — Hitherto they 
had been foolishness to me, but now, under 
the divine teaching, I began, though very 
dimly, to discern the Vvisdom of God in them 

I say dimly, for I was still under many and 
great mistakes, and in much ignorance in the 
most important matters. I knew sin to be a 
transgression of God's law ; but I did not see 



02 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

its odious deformity, in being deliberate rebel 
lion against God's sovereign authority, and an 
express contradiction to his holy nature : in 
charging God foolishly, as either wanting wis- 
dom or goodness in laying such restraints upon 
the inclinations of his creatures ; and as tend- 
ing to overturn all subordination in the uni- 
verse, and to introduce anarchy, confusion, 
\nd misery, into the whole creation of God. 
My own best actions I perceived to be defiled ; 
but I understood not that this was the effect 
of a depraved nature, and a polluted heart. 
Tiie doctrine of original sin, as the fruitful 
root of these multiplied evils, was not yet a 
])art of ray creed. Inconsistently I was an 
Arian or a Clarkist in my sentiments concern- 
mg the person of Christ, and the divinity of 
the Holy Ghost. Some faint conception I 
had formed of that sanctifying work of the 
Holy Spirit in the soul ; the beginnings of it I 
little understood. And I continued to enter- 
tain an implacable enmity to the doctrine of 
election, and those connected with it. But 
my faith was now fLxed upon a crucified 
Saviour ; (though I dishonored his person and 
denied his deity,) and I had a sincere desire 
of being devoted to the Lord. He, therefore, 
in mercy accepted his own work in my heart, 
and pardoned all that was mine, and at length 
extricated me out of that labyrinth of difficul- 
ties, in which I was entangled. 

About this time, in the course of my lec- 
tures, our Lord's discourse with Nicodemus 
came again under my consideration. Not- 



r 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE 63 

withstanding much meditation and many 
prayers, I could not satisfy my mind about it, 
I was convinced some internal change must 
be implied in the expressions, being born from 
above, and being born of the Spirit ; and ac- 
cording to what I had experienced, I endeav- 
oured to explain it ; but I was much in the 
dark, and had many doubts whether I was 
right or wrong. 

Hitherto, excepting "Leland on the De- 
istical Writers," I had not read any book 
written by a dissenter, with the least degree 
of candor and attention ; but at this crisis 1 
met with the first volume of Doctor Evan's 
sermons, entitled, " The Christian Temper." 
1 was induced to read it by the recommenda- 
tion of a friend ; but such was my proud, 
foolish heart, that I opened it with great pre- 
judice, because I understood the author was 
a dissenter. However, this book came with 
a blessing ; for by perusing it, I at length per- 
ceived, that fallen man, both body and soul, is 
indeed carnal, and sold under sin ; that by 
nature, in every man living, the reasonable 
and immortal part is destitute of spirituality, 
immersed in matter, and by a dishonorable 
and miserable prostitution, is given up to 
make provision for the flesh to fulfil the lust 
thereof'; and that man must be renewed in 
the spirit of his mind, new created unto good 
works, born of the Spirit of God, made par- 
taker of a new and divine nature, before he 
can possibly be made meet for, or admitted 
into the kingdom of God. In a very little 



64 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

time all my difficulties about this matter van- 
ished, and the truth became so exceedingly 
plain and evident, that until I had made the 
experiment, I could scarce be persuaded, but 
that every person who heard it rightly explain- 
ed must assent to it. This doctrine I have 
ever since invariably preached with good ef- 
fect, I trust, in opening the eyes of sinners, 
and turning them from darkness unto light, 
and from the power of Satan unto God. 
(Acts xxvi. 28.) 

About this time, my acquaintance with 

Mr. was resumed. From the conclusion 

of our correspondence in December, 1775, 
till April, 1777, it had been almost wholly 
dropped. To speak plainly, I did not care 
lor his company ; I did not mean to make any 
use of him as an instructer, and was unwil- 
ling the world should think us any-wise con- 
nected. 

But under discouraging circumstances I had 
occasion to call upon him ; and his discourse 
comforted and edified me, and my heart 
being, by his means, relieved from its burden, 
became susceptible of affection to him. From 
that time I was inwardly pleased to have him 
for my friend ; though not as now, rejoiced to 
call him so. However, I had no thoughts of 
learning doctrinal truth from him, and was 
ashamed to be detected in his company ; but 
[ sometimes stole away to spend an hour 
with him. About the same time I once 
heard him preach, but it was still foolishness 
to me ; his sermon being much upon the be^ 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 65 

iiever's experience : and, therefore, though 1 
loved and valued him, I considered him as a 
person misled by enthusiastical notions, and 
strenuously insisted that we should never 
think alike, till we met in heaven. 

All along, in the progress of this inquiry, 1 
grew more and more concerned about my 
character ; I saw myself continually verging 
nearer and nearer to that scheme of doctrine 
which the world called Methodism : nor could 
I help it, without doing violence to my con- 
victions. I had, indeed, set out with the 
avowed, and, I trust, sincere resolution of 
seeking for the truth, as impartially as [)ossi- 
ble ; and of embracing it wherever I found it, 
v^ithout respect to interest, reputation, or any 
worldly consideration whatsoever : I had 
taken patiently, and supported comfortably, 
the loss of my opening prospect of preferment, 
I trust mainly from the supports of grace, and 
the consciousness of having acted with integri- 
ty ; but I am not sure, but there might there- 
with creep in some consolation to my deceit- 
ful heart, from a vain imagination that my 
character would be no loser. Ambitious 
thirst after the praise of men was much more 
my peculiar corruption, than covetousness ; 
and I had been in no ordinary degree proud 
of my natural understanding ; the people 
called Methodists, I had been accustomed to 
hear mentioned with contempt, as very silly j 
as fools, and sometimes as madmen ; with no 
small degree of complacency, and self-prefer- 
ence, I too had despised them, as weak eii- 



66 THE FORCE OP TRUTH : 

Ihusiasts. But I now began to be apprehen 
sive, that the tables were about to be turned 
upon me ; if I professed and teached these 
doctrines, I must no longer be considered as a 
man of sober understanding, but one of those 
persons, whose heads being naturally weak, 
had been turned by religious studies ; and 
who, having fallen under the power of en- 
thusiasm, are become no better than fools. 

This was the sharpest trial I passed through, 
having not yet learned, that, " when we are 
reproached for the name of Christ, happy are 
we." Nor did I remember that the Apostles 
were fools for Christ's sake ; were deemed to 
be beside themselves ; went through evil re- 
port, and good report, as deceivers, and yet 
true ; that they were everywhere spoken 
against, as the fellows that turned the world 
upside down ; were treated as vain babblers, 
and accounted the filth of the world, and the 
offscouring of all things. I did not consider 
that Jesus himself, the brightness of the 
Father's glory, the Word and Wisdom of 
God, who went about doing good, and spake 
as never man spake, was not only rejected, 
but despised, as not worth hearing, as one 
that had a devil, as in league w^ith the devil, 
as a blasphemer, a Samaritan, a madman, a 
devil himself I read indeed, but my under- 
standing was not yet opened to understand 
such plain Scriptures as these, (John xv. 19, 
20 ;) " If ye were of the world, the world 
would love his own : but because ye are not 
of the world, But I have chosen you out of 



AN AUTHENTIC NARiiATiVE. 67 

the world ; therefore the world hateth you. 
Remember the word that 1 said unto yoii : 
the servant is not greater than the Lord ; if 
they have persecuted me, they will also per- 
secute you." And Mat. x. 24, 25 : « The 
disciple is not above his master, nor the ser- 
vant above his Lord. If they have called the 
master of the house Beelzebub, how much 
more shall they call them of the household ^ ^' 
And Mat. v. 11, 12 : " Blessed are ye, when 
men shall revile you, and persecute you, and 
say all manner of evil against you falsely, for 
my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad, for 
great is your reward in heaven ; for so perse- 
cuted they the prophets, that were before 
you." Not being aware of these consequen- 
ces, when my resolution was first formed, I 
was as one who hath begun to build with 
counting the cost, and was greatly disturbed, 
when I saw the favorite idol of my proud 
heart, my character, in such imminent 
danger. 

It must be supposed this would make me 
cautious what doctrines I admitted into my 
creed ; and unwilling to be convinced, that 
those things were true and important, the 
profession of which was sure to bring infamy 
on my character ; and that even after the 
fullest conviction, I should thereby be render- 
ed very careful in what manner I preached 
them. In general, however, though the con- 
flict was sharp, I was enabled to be faithful. 
The words, '^ necessity is laid upon me, j^ea, 
wo is me, if J preach not the gospel," were 



6S THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

commonly upon my mind when I penned my 
sermons, and when I entered the pulpit ; and 
though when a bold declaration of Avhat I be- 
lieved to be the truth, with an offensive ap- 
plication of it to the consciences of my hearers, 
drew opposition and calumny upon me, I 
have secretly resolved to be more circumspect 
the next time ; yet, when that time came, my • 
heart and conscience being both engaged, I 
have not dared to conceal one tittle of what 
appeared to me to be true, and to promise 
usefulness. But whilst with perturbation of 
mind, and with many disquieting apprehen- 
sions, I declared the message with which I 
supposed myself to be intrusted ; to screen 
myself from the charge of Methodism, and to 
soften the offence, I was frequently throwing 
out slighting expressions, and bringing the 
charge of enthusiasm against those who 
preached such doctrines as I was not yet con- 
vinced of. On the other hand, my concern 
about my character quickened me very much 
in prayer, and increased my diligence in search- 
ing the Scriptures, that I might be sure I was 
not, at this expense, preaching cunmngly de- 
vised fables, instead of feeding the souls com 
mitted to my care, with the unadulterated 
milk of gospel truth. 

In this state of my mind, which is easier 
understood by experience than description, I 
met with Mr. Venn's Essay on the prophecy 
of Zacharias. I was no stranger to the char- 
acter he bore in the eye of the worH, aad did 
not begin to read his book with gieat alacrit^^ 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 69 

or expectation; however, the importance of 
the subjects therein treated of engaged my 
attention, and some degree of impartiahty 
as I proceeeded. I disapproved, indeed, and 
quarrelled with many things ; but others 
evidenced their truth and importance to my 
understanding and conscience ; especially, I 
found a word in season, respecting my weak 
and wicked shame and attention to character, 
in inquiring after divine truth, and in the per- 
formance of the important duties of a gospel 
minister. These solemn words in particular 
went home to my heart : " If the spirit of 
the world, pride, carelessness respecting the 
soul, and the neglect of Christ, be not hateful 
to God, and destructive to men, the gospel, 
(with reverence I speak it,) is an imposition. 
Do you abhor that thought as blasphemy ? 
Abhor as much a fawning upon Christ from 
year to year in your closet, calling him there 
your Lord and your God : and then coming 
out to consult the world, how far they will 
allow you to obey his plain commands, with- 
out saying you are a Methodist ? Cease 
rather to profess any allegiance to Christ than 
treat him, under professions of duty, with 
such contempt. I would, saith he to the 
Church of Laodicea, thou wert cold or hot, 
so then because thou art lukewarm, and 
neither cold or hot, I will spew thee out of 
my mouth." Rev. iii. 15, 16. 

I should as easily be convinced that there 
was no Holy Ghost, as that he was not pre- 
sent with my soul when I read this passage. 



70 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

and the whole of what Mr. Venn has r/ritten 
upon the subject. It came to my heart with 
such power, conviction, and demonstration of 
the Spirit, that it lifted me up above the world, 
and produced that victory which faith alone 
can give ; and that liberty, which uniformly 
attends the presence of the Spirit of the Lord. 
I became at once ashamed of my base ingrati- 
tude and fiolish fears ; and was filled with 
such consolation, and rejoicing even in the 
prospect of sacrificing my character, and run- 
ning the risk of infamy and contempt, as made 
me entirely satisfied on that head ; and, some 
few unbelieving seasons excepted, I have ever 
since been very little troubled about being ac- 
counted an enthusiast, or a Methodist. 

But still I remained as much, and am now 
more afraid of enthusiasm itself, than ever ; 
and the nearer I verged to what I had igno- 
rantly supposed to be enthusiasm, the more 
apprehensive I became, lest my earnestness 
in such interesting inquiries, and the warmth 
of my natural spirit, thus occasionally increas- 
ed, should put me off my guard, and betray 
me into delusions and mistakes. From this 
danger I could obtain no security, but by 
keeping close to the study of the word of 
God ; and by being earnest and particular in 
praying to be preserved from enthusiasm, and 
to be enabled to distinguish between the pure 
revelations of the Holy Sj)irit, and the inven- 
tions of men, or the delusions oi^ the spirit 
of lies. 

The doctrine of a trinity of coequal persons 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE 71 

m the Unity of the Godhead, had been hither- 
to no part of my creed. I had long been ac- 
customed to despise this great mystery of 
godliness : I had quarrelled with the articles 
of the established church about this doctrine : 
I had been very positive and open in my dec- 
larations against it ; and my unhumbled rea- 
son still retained objections to it. But about 
June, 1777, 1 began to be troubled with doubts 
about it, and to suspect the truth of Dr. 
Clarke's hypothesis. I had just read Mr. 
Lindsey's Apology and Sequel. Before I saw 
them, I had made a jest of those who thought 
of confuting him on the orthodox s*"heme, and 
was not without thoughts of maintauiing Dr. 
Clarke's system against him. But when I 
understood that he claimed Dr. Clarke as a 
Socinian, I was surprised, and engaged in 
much anxious consideration of the subject. 
The more I studied, the more I was dissatis- 
fied ; many things now first occurred to me, as 
strong objections against my own sentiments 
upon that head : and being perplexed, and un- 
able to make out a scheme for myself, I easily 
perceived that I was not qualified to dispute 
with another person. My pride and my con- 
victions struggled hard for the victory ; 1 was 
very unwilling to become a Trinitarian in the 
strict sense of the word, though in my own 
sense I had for some time pretended to be one ; 
and yet the more I considered it, the more I 
was dissatisfied v^ith all other systems. My 

esteem for Mr. , was also now very much 

increased 3 and though I had hitherto conceal 



THE FORCE OF TRUTH •. 



ed tnis part of my sentiments from him, yel 
I knew his to be very different ; and though 1 
was not willing to be taught by him in othei 
matters, yet in this respect, finding his opinion 
the same which in all former ages of the 
church hath been accounted orthodox, while 
that which I held had all along been branded 
as heretical, my fears of a mistake were there- 
by exceedingly in-creased. In this perplexity 
I applied to the Lord and besought him to 
lead me to a settled conclusion what was the 
truth. Afler much meditation upon this sub- 
ject, together with a careful examination of 
all the Scriptures which I then understood to 
relate thereto, accompanied with a hearty 
prayer for divine teaching, I was at length 
constrained to renounce, as utterly indefensi- 
ble, all my former sentiments, and to accede 
to that doctrine which I had so long despised. 
I saw, and could no longer avoid seeing, that 
the offices and works attributed in Scripture 
to the Son and Holy Ghost, are such as none 
but the infinite God could perlbrm ; that it is 
a contradiction to believe the real, and conse- 
quently infinite satisfaction to divine justice 
made by the death of Christ, without believ- 
ing him to be very God oi very God : nor 
could the Holy Ghost give spiritual life unto, 
and dwell in the hearts of unbelievers at the 
same time to suit his work of convincing, en- 
lightening, teaching, strengthening, sanctify- 
ing and comforting, to the several cases of 
every individual, were he not the omniscient, 
omnipresent, infinite God. And being assu- 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 73 

red from reason, as well as from Scri[)ture, 
that there is not, and cannot be more Gods 
than one, I was driven from my reasonings, 
and constrained to submit my natural under- 
standing to divine revelation ; and allowing 
that the incomprehensible God alone can ful- 
ly know the unsearchable mysteries of his 
own divine nature, and manner of his own 
existence to adopt the doctrine of a Trinity 
in Unity, in order to preserve consistency m 
my own scheme. But it was a considerable 
time before 1 was disentangled from my em- 
barrassments on this subject. 

Hitherto my prejudices against Mr. Her- 
vey, as a writer upon doctrinal subjects, had 
been very strong. I thought him a very pi- 
ous man, and 1 had read with pleasure some 
parts of his meditations ; but having consider- 
ed him an enthusiast, I had no curiosity to 
read any other of his writings. But about 
July, 1777, I providentially met with his dia- 
logues and letters between Theron and Aspa- 
sio, and opening the book, I was much pleased 
with the first passage on which I cast my eye. 
This engaged me to read the whole with un- 
common attention : nor did I, in twice peru- 
sing it, ever meet with anything contrary to 
my own sentiments, without immediately 
beseechipxg the Lord to guide me to the truth. 
1 trust the Lord heard and answered these 
my prayers : lor though I could not but dis- 
sent from him, (as i still do,) in some few 
things, yet 1 was very much enlightened 
tnereby, in everything relative to our fallen, 



74 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

guilty, lost and helplessly miserable state by 
nature ; and the way and manner in which 
the believer is accounted and accepted as 
righteous in the presence of a just, holy, and 
^leart-searching, a faithful, and unchangeable 
God ; especially his animated description and 
application of the stag-chase, cleared up this 
important matter to my mind, more than any- 
thing I had hitherto met with upon the sub- 
/ect. 

I had now acceded to most of the doctrines 
which at present I believe and preach ; except 
the doctrine of personal election, and those 
which depend on, and are connected with it. 
These were still foolishness to me, and so 
late as August, 1777, I told my friend Mr. 

, that I was sure I never should be of his 

sentiments on that head ; to which he answer- 
ed, that if I never mentioned this subject, he 
never should, as we were now agreed in all 
he judged absolutely needful ; but he had not 
the least douot of my very shortly becoming 
a Calvinist, as I should presently discover my 
system of doctrine to be otherwise incomplete 
and inconsistent with itself And, indeed, by 
this time I had so repeatedly discovered my- 
self to be mistaken where I had been very 
confident, that I began to suspect myself in 
everything wherein 1 entertained sentiments 
different from those with whom I conversed. 
This did not influence me to take their opin- 
ions upon trust ; but it disposed me more 
particularly and attentively to consider them ; 
and in every perplexity to have recourse to 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE 75 

the Lord, to be preserved from error^ and 
guided to the truth. 

About the same time also, I began to have 
more frequent applications made to me by 
persons under deep concern for their souls 
My heart was much engaged in this new em- 
ployment ; 1 was much troubled to see their 
pressing anxieties, and to hear their doubts, 
difficulties, and objections against themselves. 
Being sincerely desirous to instruct them 
right, and to lead them on to establishment 
and comfort, I felt my deficiency, and seemed 
to have no ground to go on, nor any counsel 
to give them, but what led them into greater 
perplexity, instead of relieving them. In this 
case I earnestly besought the Lord to instruct 
me what word in season to speak unto them. 

Thus circumstanced, I read " Witsius' 
Economy of the Covenants," and observed 
what use he made of the doctrine of election 
for this very purpose. This convinced me 
that the doctrine, if true, would afford that 
ground of comfort which my people wanted. 
It would evince, that their being awakened 
out of a careless state, to an earnest concern 
for, and anxiety about their souls, and to an 
hearty desire of cleaving unto the Lord ; and 
their want of some security that they should 
not, through the deceitfulness of their own 
hearts, their own weakness, the entanglements 
of the world, and the temptations of Satan, 
fall back again into their former course of sin, 
was the work of the Holy Ghost. If this 
were wrought in consequence of the deter- 



76 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

minate purpose and foreknowledge of God 
respecting them, it would follow from the en- 
tire and undeserved freeness of this first gift, 
bestowed on them, when neither desiring nor 
seeking it, but being in a state of enmity and 
rebellion against, and neglect of God, and 
from his unchangeableness in his purposes, 
and faithfulness to his promises, that he would 
assuredly carry on, and complete this good 
work of his grace, and keep the believing soul 
as in a castle, through faith unto salvation. 

Having now considered one use of this 
doctrine, which before I objected to as use- 
less and pernicious, I began to consider how 
the other objections which I had been accus- 
tomed to urge against it might be answered. 
'Tis true that 1 began to consider this whole 
matter as a mystery not to be comprehended, 
nor yet too curiously searched into by man's 
natural reason, but humbly received by faith, 
just as far as it is plainly revealed in God's 
unerring word. Many objections, therefore, 
[ was constrained to leave unanswered, resol- 
ving them into the incomprehensible nature 
of God, whose judgments, and still more his 
counsels, are, as the great deep, unfathoma- 
ble ; and into the sovereignty of God, who 
does what he will with his own, and gives no 
account of any of his matters, let who will 
presume to find fault : and into his declara- 
tions, that his thoughts and ways are as far 
above our thoughts and ways, as the heavens 
are above the earth. Here I left this matter, 
consc^'ous at length, that such knowledge 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRAnVE 77 

was too high for me, and that if God liad 
said it, it was not my place to cavil against it. 
I acknowledge this way of answering objec- 
tions is not very satisfactory to man's proud 
curiosity, who would be as God, and know 
ail that God knows, and even dares to dispute 
with him ; and there are sometimes when 
I can hardly acquiesce in such a solution : 
but surely it is highly becoming the depen- 
dent state, and limited understanding of the 
creature, to submit the decision of ail such 
high points implicitly to the award of the 
infinitely wise Creator. And the Christian 
religion expressly requires it of us, for oui 
Lord declares, that " Except we receive the 
kingdom of God," (not as a disputing philos- 
opher, but) " as a little child, we shall in no- 
wise enter therein." The day is .coming, 
when we shall be able to answer all objec- 
tions. Here we are to walk by faith, and 
see in part, and as through a glass darkly ; 
hereafter we shall see face to face, and know 
even as we are known. 

Leaving, therefore, all difficulties of a met- 
aphysical nature to be cleared up in that 
world of light and knowledge, I began to con- 
siiier the abuses of this doctrine, which I had 
always looked upon as being a very formida- 
ble objection against it. But I soon discover- 
ed, that though ungodly men, who make 
profession of religion, will turn the grace of 
God into licentiousness ; yet that we might 
so explain and guard these doctrines, that 
none coald thus abuse them, without being 



78 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

conscious that they did so, and detecting 
their own hypocrisy. It still, indeed, appear- 
ed probable to me, that the preaching of them 
might occasion some trouble of mind at first 
to a few well-disposed persons ; but I consid- 
ered that by a cautious declaration of them, 
and contrasting them with the general prom- 
ises of the gospel to all who believe, this 
might in a great measure be prevented ; and 
at the worst, a little personal conversation 
with such persons, w^ould seldom, if ever, 
fail to satisfy their minds, and even enable 
them in general to derive encouragement 
from them ; while the unsettling of the minds 
of such persons, as are carelessly living in an 
unconverted state, is the great end of all our 
preaching to them ; and therefore we need 
not fear any bad effect of this doctrine in 
that respect. The great question therefore 
was, " are these doctrines in the Bible, or 
no ? " Hitherto I had wilfully passed over, 
and neglected, or endeavoured to put some 
other construction upon all those scriptures 
which directly speak of them : but now I 
began to consider, meditate, and pray over 
them ; and I soon found that I could not 
support my former interpretation of them. 
They would teach predestination, election, 
final perseverance and assurance, in spite of 
all my twisting and expounding. It also oc- 
curred to me that though now in disgrace, 
they were universally believed and maintain 
ed by our venerable reformers ; that they 
were admitted, at the begiiming of the refor 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 79 

mation, into the creeds, catechisms, or arti- 
cles of every one of the Protestant churches ; 
that our articles and homilies expressly main- 
tained them : and consequently, that a vast 
number of wise and sober-minded men, who, 
in their days, were burning and shining lights, 
upon mature deliberation, had agreed, not 
only that they were true, but that they ought 
to be admitted as useful, or even as necessary 
articles of faith by every one, who deemed 
himself called to take upon him the office of 
a christian minister. 

In the course of this inquir}^, T perceived 
that my system of doctrine was incomplete 
without them. I believed, that men, by na- 
ture born in sin, and the children of wrath, 
by wicked works the enemies of God, being 
in themselves ungodly, and without strength, 
were saved of free mercy and grace, without 
having done anything, more or less, to deserve 
it, through the Redeemer's righteousness and 
atonement, received by faith, the gift, and 
operation of God ; and accompanied with a 
new birth of the Spirit, a new creation unto 
good works, and to the divine image, by the 
power of the Holy Ghost : and now, there- 
fore, it occurred to me, to inquire from what 
source these precious blessings, thus freely 
iiowing through the channel of redemption 
to poor worthless sinners, could originally 
spring ? In this inquiry, my mind being car- 
ried back from the consideration of the effects, 
to the consideration of their causes ; and from 
the promises made to fallen man, to the coun- 



80 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

sels and purposes of God, which induced hin> 
to give tliose promises ; and meditating on the 
divine perfections, his omniscience, unchange- 
ableness, and eternity, and the end which the 
all-sufHcient God had in view, in all his works, 
even the manifestation of the glory of his own 
perfections ; I at length perceived, that this 
great work of redemption, as planned b}^ God, 
to whom were known all his works from be- 
fore the foimdation of the world, must be the 
result of his eternal purpose, of displaying the 
glory of his mercy and grace in harmonious 
consistency with his most awful justice, and 
glorious holiness ; and thereby manifesting 
the inexhaustible resources of his mariifold 
wisdom, in thus reconciling, and at one time, 
and in one work, unitedly glorifying these his 
attributes, w^hich, considered as perfect^ seem, 
to created understanding irreconcilable to each 
other. Especially, I was convinced of this, 
when I discovered, that until the fall of man 
made way for, and the redemption had mani- 
fested the attribute of mercy to sinners, it had, 
as far as we can learn, been unexercised, and 
undisplayed, and consequently unknown to 
any but God himself from all eternity ; nor 
could he have the glory of it, but must have 
been considered as so perfect in justice and 
holiness, as to be incapable of exercising mer- 
oy, had he not chosen some objects on whom 
to exercise it, and devised some way where- 
in to exercise it, in consistency with his other 
perfections. Thus I perceived redemption to 
be the effect of a settled design formed in 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 81 

God's eternal councils, of manifesting himself 
to his reasonable creatures to be complete, 
and full orbed in all conceivable perfections ; 
that the merciful and gracious nature of God, 
the fountain of goodness, alone moved him 
to choose any transgressors of his law, as 
objects of his favorable regard ; that his uncon- 
strained will and pleasure are the only assign- 
able causes of his choosing one, rather than 
another ; that the objections are as strong 
against this being understood of nations, or 
collective bodies, as of individuals : that the 
whole work being his own ; his wisdom hav- 
ing devised the means, his love and all-suf- 
ficiency having, in the person, ofBces, and 
work of Christ, made all things ready ; his 
providence directing absolutely to whom the 
word of invitation should be sent ; and his 
Holy Spirit alone inclining, and enabling the 
soul to embrace it by faith : therefore, that 
God, w^ho knoweth the end from the begin- 
ning, and is a sovereign, and when none have 
deserved anything, may do as he v/ill with 
his own, did actually " choose every individ- 
ual believer in Christ, before the foundation 
of the world, that we should be holy and 
without blame before him in love ; having 
predestinated us unto the adoption of children 
by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the 
good pleasure of his will ; to the praise of the 
glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us 
accepted in the beloved." (Eph. i. 4—6.) 

In short, though my objections were many, 
my anxiety great, and my resistance long, yet, 
6 



82 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

by the evidence which, both from the word 
of God, and from my own meditation, crowd- 
ed upon my mind, I was at length constrain- 
ed to submit, and God knoweth, with fear 
and trembling, to allow these formerly despis- 
ed doctrines a place in my creed : and accord- 
ingly, about Christmas, 1777, I began 
cautiously to establish the truth of them, and 
to make use of them for the consolation of 
poor, distressed, and fearful believers. This 
Avas the only use I then knew of them, though 
I now see their influence into every part of 
gospel truth. 

However, I would observe, that though I 
assuredly believe these doctrines, as far as 
here expressed ; (for I am not willing to trace 
them any higher by reasonings or consequen- 
ces into the unrevealed things of God,) and 
though I exceedingly need them in my view 
of religion, both for my own consolation and 
security against the consequences of my own 
deceitful heart, an ensnaring world, and a 
subtle tempter ; as also for the due exercise 
of my pastoral office ; yet I would not be un- 
derstood to place the acknowledgement of 
them upon a level with a belief of the doc- 
trines, that have before been spoken of I 
can readily conceive the character of an hum- 
ble, pious, spiritual Christian, who either is 
an utter stranger to these Calvinistical doc- 
trines, or through misapprehension, or fear 
of abuse' cannot receive them. But I own 
that I find a difficulty in conceiving an hum- 
ble, pious, spiritual Chrislian, who is a stran 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 83 

ger to his own utterly lost condition, to the 
deceitfulness and depravity of* his heart, to 
the natural alienation of his affections from 
God, and to the defilements of his best duties ; 
who trusts either in whole or in part, aUoiv- 
edly, to anything for pardon and justification, 
but the blood and righteousness of a crucified 
Saviour, who is God manifested in the flesh 5 
or who expects to be made meet for the in- 
heritance of the saints in light, in any other 
way, than by being born again, new created, 
converted, and sanctified by the divine power 
of the Holy Ghost. 

Sometime in November, 1777, T was by a 
then unknown friend, furnished with a con- 
siderable number of books, written in general 
by the old divines both of the church of Eng- 
land, and of the Dissenters. And to my no 
small surprise, I found, that those doctrines, 
v/hich are now deemed novel inventions, and 
are called Methodistical, are in these books 
everywhere discoursed of as known and al- 
lowed truths ; and that that system, which, 
despising to be taught by men, and unac- 
quainted with such authors, I had for near 
three years together been hammering out of 
myself with no small labor and anxiety, was 
to be found ready made to my hands, m every 
book I opened. 

I make no wonder, that the members of 
the church of England are generally prejudic- 
ed against the writing of Dissenters ; for I 
have been so myself to an excess ; we imbib^^ 
I his prejudice with the first rudiments of ia 



84 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

structioiij and are taught by our whole edu- 
cation to consider it as meritorious ; — though 
no doubt it is a prejudice, of which every sin- 
cere inquirer after truth ought to be afraid, 
and every pretended inquirer ashamed ; for 
how can we determine on which side truth 
^ies, if we will not examine both sides ? And 
indeed it is w^ell known to all those, who are 
acquainted with the church histories of those 
times, that until the reign of James the First 
there w^ere no controversies between the 
church established, and the Puritans, con- 
cerning doctrine ; both parties being in all 
matters of importance of the same senti- 
ments ; they only contended about discipline 
and ceremonies, until the introduction of Ar- 
iriini.anism gave occasion to the Calvinists be- 
ing denominated Doctrinal Puritans. Unto 
tiis period all our church writers w^ere Ca!- 
inistical in doctrine, and ev^en after that 
time, many might be mentioned w^ho were 
allowed friends of the church of England, 
who opposed these innovations, and agreed in 
doctrine with everything that hath been men- 
tioned. Let it suffice, out of many, to re- 
commend Bishop Hall's v/orks, especially lus 
" Contemplations on the Life of Jesus," a 
book not easily too highly prized : and Dr. 
Reynolds' works. To these, no true friend 
to the church of England can reasonably ob- 
ject. And in general I believe, and teach 
nothing, but what they plainly taught before 
me, as I could easily prove, but that I have 
been too tedious already. 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 85 

I had now got the outlines of my schenae 
of doctrine marked out ; but I had been so 
taken up with these doctrinal inquiries, that 
hitherto I was very much a stranger to the 
workings of ray own heart, and had little 
experience in my own soul, of the power of 
these truths. The pride of reasoning, and 
the conceit of my superior discernment, had 
all along accompanied me ; and though some- 
what broken, had yet considerable influence. 
Hitherto therefore, I had not thought of hear- 
ing any person preach, because I did not 
know that any person, in the circle of my ac- 
quaintance, was capable of informing me in 
anything deserving attention, of which 1 was 
ignorant. But at length perceiving, that in 

the whole matter Mr. had been right and 

that I had been mistaken, it occurred to me, 
that having preached these doctrines so long, 
he must understand many things concerning 
them, to which I was a stranger. Now, there- 
fore, though not without much remaining pre- 
judice, and not less in thecharacterof a judge 
than of a scholar, I condescended to be his 
hearer, and occasionally to attend his preach- 
ing, and that of some other ministers. I soon 
perceived the benefit of this ; f )r, from time 
to time, I found the secrets of my heart dis- 
covered to me, far beyond what I had hither- 
to noticed myself; and seldom returned from 
hearing a sermon, without having conceived 
a meaner opinion of myself ! without hav- 
ing attained to a farther acquaintance with 
my deficiences, my weakness, my corrup 



86 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

tions, and wants ; and without being suppb'ed 
with fresh matter for prayer, and directed to 
greater watchfulness. Moreover I learned 
the use of experience in preaching, and was 
convinced that the ready way to come at 
other people's hearts and consciences, was to 
speak from my own. In short, I gradually 
saw more and more of my need of instruc- 
tion, and was brought to consider myself as a 
very novice in religious matters. I began ex- 
perimentally to perceive our Lord's meaning, 
when he says, " Except ye receive the king- 
dom of heav^en as a Kttle child, ye shall in no 
wise enter therein." For though my proud 
heart is continually rebelling, and would fain 
build up again the former Babel of self con- 
ceit : yet I trust from this time, in my settled 
judgment, I have desired, and prayed to be 
enabled, to consider myself as a httle child, 
who ought simply to sit at the master's 
feet, to hear his words with profound sub- 
mission, and wait his teachii>g with earnest 
desire and patient aliention. And from this 
time I have been enabled to consider those 
persons, whose knowledge has been ripened 
by years, experience, and observation, as 
fathers and instructers, to take pleasure in 
their company, value their counsels, and love 
to attend their preachiog. 

Thus I trust the old building, that I had 
purposed to repair, was pulled down to the 
ground, and the foundation of the new build- 
ing of God laid aright ; old things were passed 
away, behold all things were become new. 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 87 

What things were gain to me, those I have 
counted loss for Christ ; my boasted reason 1 
discover to be a blind guide, until humbled, 
enlightened, and sanctified by the Spirit of 
God ; my former wisdom I now know to 
have been foolishness, and that when 1 
thought I knew much, I knew nothing as 1 
ought to know. Since this period, everything 
I have experienced in my own heart, every- 
thing I have heard and read, everything I ob- 
serve around me, confirms and establishes 
me in the assured belief of those truths, 
which J have received ; nor do I in general 
any more doubt their being from God, than 
1 doubt whether the sun shines when I see 
its light, and am warmed with its refreshing 
beams. I see the powerful effects of, them 
continually among those to whom [ preach : 
experience the power of them daily in my 
own soul ; and while by meditating on, and 
rejoicing in the cross of Christ, I find the 
world crucified unto me, and I unto the 
world ; by preaching Jesus Christ, and him 
crucified, I see notoriously immoral persons 
influenced to deny ungodliness and worldly 
lusts, and to live soberly, righteously, and 
godly in this present world, being an example 
to such as before they were a scandal to. 

And now by this change, the consequences 
of which I so much dreaded, what have I lost 
even in respect of this present world ? In- 
deed, I have lost some degree of favor, and 
escape not pity, censure, scorn, and opposi- 
tion : but the Lord is introducing me to a 



83 TKE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

new, and far more desirable acquaintance; 
even to that of those, whom the Holy Ghost 
hath denominated the excellent of the earth ; 
nay, the Lord the Spirit condescends to be 
my comlbrter. In general I enjoy an estab- 
lished peace of conscience, through the blood 
of sprinkling, and continual application to the 
heavenly Advocate ; with a sweet content, 
and that peace of God, which passeth all un- 
derstanding, in casting all my cares upon him, 
who careth for me. x\nd I am not utterly 
left without experience of that joy, which is 
unspeakable and full of glory. These the 
world could not give me, were I in favor with 
it ; of these it cannot deprive me by its 
frowns. My desire henceforth, God know- 
eth, is to live to his glory, and by my whole 
conduct and conversation to adorn the doc- 
trine of God my Saviour, and to show forth 
his praise, who hath called me out of dark- 
ness into his marvellous light ; to be in some 
way or other useful to his believing people ; 
and to invite poor sinners, who are walking 
in a vain shadow, and disquieting themselves 
in vain, to taste and see how gracious the 
Lord is, and how blessed they are, who put 
their trust in him. 

Now would I tell to sinners round. 
What a dear Saviour I have found ; 
Would point to his redeeming blood. 
And cry, behold the way to God ! 

Thus hath the Lord led me, a poor, blind 
sinner, in a way that I knew not 5 he hath 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 89 

made darkness light before me, crooked things 
straight, and hard things easy, and hath 
brought me to a place, of which I little 
thought when 1 set out ; and having done 
these things for me, I believe, yea, 1 am un- 
doubtedly sure, he will never leave me nor 
forsake me. To him be the glory of his un- 
deserved, long resisted grace ; to me be the 
shame, not only of all my other sins, but also 
of my proud and perverse opposition to his 
purposes of love toward me. But all this 
was permitted, that my high spirit and stout 
heart being at length humbled and subdued, 
I might remember, and be confounded, and 
never open my mouth more, because of my 
shame, nov/ that the Lord is pacified to me 
for all that I have done. 

And now, as in the presence of the heart- 
searching God, I have given without one 
wilful misrepresentation, addition, or material 
omission, a history of the great things God 
hath done for my soul ; or if that suit not 
your view of it 5 a history of that change 
which hath recently taken place in my reli- 
gious sentiments and conduct, to the surprise 
of some, and perhaps displeasure of others of 
my former friends. The doctrines which I 
have now received, are indeed charged with 
being destructive of moral practice, and tend- 
ing to licentiousness ; but though 1 know that 
my best righteousnesses are as filthy rags, yet 
I trust I may return thanks to God, that by 
his grace he hath so uphelti me, since thi3 
change took place, that I have not been per 



W) THE FORCE OF TRUTH. 

mitte.l to disgrace the cause in which I have 
embarked, by any immoral cond»uct ; my 
rejoicing, in tliis respect, is this, that in sim- 
plicit}^ and godly sincerity, not with fleshly 
wisdom, but by the grace of God, I have my 
conversation in the world. And sincerely I 
may avow, that the belief of these doctrines, 
hath a quite contrar}^ effect upon me. I most 
heartily desire, aim, endeav'Our, and pray to 
be enabled to love God and keep his com- 
mandments, without partiality and without 
hypocrisy, and so to demean myself, as by 
well doing to put to silence the ignorance of 
foolish men. That I fall so very far short in 
everything is not the effect of my new doc- 
trines, but of my old depraved nature, and 
deceitful heart. Create in me a clean heart, 
O God, and renew a right spirit within me ! 



PART Hi 



Containing observations on the foregoing narrative 

My design in writing this account of my- 
gelf, and my religious inquiries, and change 
of sentiments, was as follows : 1 considered 
myself a singular instance of a very unlikely 
person, in an uncommon manner, being led 
on from one thing to another to embrace a 
system of doctrine which he once heartily de- 
spised. And as I do assuredly believe that 
this change hath been effected under th(? 
guidance and teaching of the Holy Ghost ; so 
I verily hoped that a circumstantial relation 
of it might be an encouragement and com- 
fort to those who know and love the Lord, 
and from them levy a tribute of gratitude and 
[)raise, to our gracious, wonder-working God : 
and that it also might be instj-umental, by the 
convincing Spirit, to awaken others to a seri- 
ous review of their religious sentiments ; to 
{)ut them upon the same earnest inquiry after 
the truth, as it is in Jesus ; and to influence 
them to the diligent use of the same blessed 
means, in which the Lord directed me to be 



92 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

found. In order to forward this effect, 1 
would offer a few observations upon what 
has been related, to the attentive and impar- 
tial consideration of the reader ; and may the 
Lord guide both the writer and reader of 
these sheets to the savmg knowledge of him- 
self, and of the ways of truth and peace ! 

Now, I. I think it must be evident to 
every unprejudiced reader of this narrative, 
that at the time this change commenced, I 
was, humanly speaking, a most unlikely per- 
son to embrace this system of doctrine. This 
will appear from the following considerations : 

1. By reason of my religious opinions at 
that time, which had been for many years 
directly contrary thereto. Being always of 
a reflecting turn, I had exceeding high notions 
of the powers of human reason, and a very 
favorable opinion of my own understanding : 
and I had, upon reasoning principles, em- 
braced a system of religion, which, while it 
soothed my conscience, flattered this self-con- 
ceit. After some trivial alterations, I seemed 
to myself, upon mature deliberation, to have 
come to a settled determination, and had be- 
ttowed considerable pains in making myself 
acquainted with those arguments and inter- 
pretations of Scripture wherewith that system 
is usually defended ; and I had raked together 
many of those plausible objections, and 
high charges, which are, by reasoning men, 
brought against the doctrines, and persons of 
the Calvinists. But on the other hand, I was, 
in a great measure, a stranger to what the 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE 93 

Calvinists could say for themselves, because 
I thought the matter too plain to bear an ar- 
gument, and therefore did not think their an- 
swers worth reading. In short, I was fallen so 
very low, that very few have e ver been re- 
covered from that abyss of error, into which 
I had been permitted to sink. Full of confi- 
dence in my cause, and in the arguments with 
which I was preparing myself, and with the 
most sanguine expectation of success, I was 
eager to engage in controversy with the Cal- 
vinists. In this confidence I frequently ha- 
rangued against them from the pulpit, and 
spared not to charge upon them consequences 
both absurd and shocking. And yet, at length, 
after much, very much, anxious, diligent in- 
quiry, I have embraced, as the sacred truths 
of God's unerring word, every doctrine of 
this despised system.. 

2. From my natural spirit and temper, 1 
was a most unlikely person thus to change. 
Few persons were ever more self sufficient 
and positive m their opinions, than I was. 
Fond to excess of entering into argument, I 
never failed on these occasions to betray this 
peculiarity of my character. I seldom ac- 
knowledged or suspected myself mistaken ; 
and scarce ever dropped any argument, until 
either my reasonings, or obstinacy, had si- 
lenced my opponent. A certain person once 
said of me, that I was like a stone rolling 
down the hill, which could neither be stopped, 
nor turned ; this witness was true ; but those 
things which are impossible with man, are 



94 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

easy \vith God : I am evidently both stopped 
and turned ; man, I am persuaded, could not 
have done it ; but this hath God wrought — 
and I am not more a v/onder to others than 
to myself. Indeed, I carried the same obsti 
nate, positive temper into my religious inqui- 
ries : for I never gave up one tittle of my 
sentiments, till I could defend them no longer, 
nor even submitted to conviclion, till I could 
make no longer resistance. The strong man 
armed with my natural pride, and obstinacy ; 
and having with my vain imaginations, and 
reasonings, and high thoughts, built himself 
many strong holds, kept his castle in my 
heart : and thus garrisoned, when the stronger 
than he came against him, he stood a long 
siege ; till, being by superior force driven 
from one to another, and all his armor 
wherein he trusted being at length taken 
from him, he was constrained to recede. 
And the Lord having made me willing in the 
day of his power, 1 was forced to confess ; 
<' O Lord, thou art stronger than I, and hast 
prevailed." 

3. My situation in life rendered such a 
change improbable. I had an increasing 
family, no private fortune, a narrow, preca- 
rious income, and no expectations, except 
from such friends as my conduct might pro- 
cure, or continue to me. I had unexpectedly 
contracted an acquaintance with some of 
those whose favor goes a great way towara 
a man's advancement in life ; nor was I insen- 
sible to the advantages to be hoped for, from 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 95 

cultivating, by a compliant behaviour, their 
kind and friendly regard to nne ; at the same 
time I was no stranger to the opinion, which 
the world entertains of those who preach 
these disreputable doctrines ; and could not 
but conclude, that embracing this system of 
religion was a probable way of depriving my- 
self of this prospect of preferment. Had I 
not, therefore, as the result of my diligent in- 
quiries, been assuredly convinced that it was 
my indispensable duty to embrace, and preach 
them, and that by so doing alone, I could en- 
sure to myself the favor of a better friend 
than any here below ; I should have been 
destitute even of common sense, to have had 
anything to do with them. And yet being 
aware all along, how unfavorable, according 
to human probability, \t will prove, to my 
worldly interests, at length I have deliberate- 
ly embraced them. 

4. Nor was my regard to my character a 
trifling security against such a change of sen- 
timent. I was ambitiously and excessively 
fond of that honor which cometh from man ; 
and considered the desire of praise as allow- 
able, nay laudable, ^j this motive was I 
urged on to a very diligent prosecution of my 
studies, even beyond what my natural incli- 
nation led me to ; and my whole conduct was 
influenced by, my whole conversation tinc- 
tured with, this vainglorious aim. On the 
other hand, with approbation and self com- 
placency, I had been accustomed to hear the 
most contemptuous and opprobrious epithets 



96 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

liberally added to the names of those persons 
lo whom I have now joined myself; and all 
along, as I verged nearer and nearer to Meth- 
odism, I was painfully sensible, that I was 
drawing upon myself the same mortifying 
distinctions. I have been a vainglorious can- 
didate for human applause ; but I renounce 
such pretensions, and willingly submit to be 
considered by the world, under the mortify 
mg character of a silly, half-witted, crack 
brained enthusiast. These epithets, I am 
sensible, are now bestowed upon me, behind 
my back, and very often to my face ; I bless 
God this doth not move me, but I can hearti- 
ly thank him that I am counted worthy to 
suffer shame for his sake. But when 1 saw 
this trial approaching, it appeared very for- 
midable ; and I can truly affirm, that nothing 
but the fullest conviction, that the cause in 
which I was embarking was the cause of 
God ; nothing, but not daring to act contrary 
to the plain dictates of my conscience, could 
have influenced me to make this sacrifice of 
my character, and bring myself under so 
much contempt and scorn. 

But, 5. To reason with our despisers, upon 
their own principles ; upon supposition that I 
am now fallen into enthusiasm, mistake, and 
strong delusion, I certainly Avas, when I first 
set out in this inquiry, a very unlikely person 
so to do. My leading resolve was to search 
for the truth diligently, and to embrace it 
wherever I found it, whatever it might cost : 
no sooner had I begun this inq.uiry, than I 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 97 

was called upon to give proof of the sinceaty 
of this resolution ; and, from a principle of 
conscience, though a mistaken one, I rejiounc- 
ed my only prospect of preferment ; and it 
vsrould be unreasonable to question my sin- 
cerity, after it had been thus evidenced. 
Since that time I have also deliberately sacri- 
ficed my character, and hazarded the loss of 
all my former friends. Giving these proofs 
of my integrity, I set off in dependence on 
those plain promises, which I have mention- 
ed ; I have sought for this desired knowledge 
of the truth mainly in reading the Holy Scrip- 
tures, and by prayer for the promised teach- 
ing oi' the Holy Ghost, after that manner 
which Iiad been related ; and am now led to 
conclusions diametrically opposite, to what I 
expected. Now, lay all these things together, 
attentively consider them, and then let your 
own conscience determine how far it is prob- 
able, tha*. a person, in this manner seeking 
for the truin, should be given over to a strong 
delusion to believe a pernicious lie. '^ Would 
any of you that is a father, if his son asked 
bread, give him a stone ; or if he asked a fish, 
give him a serpent ? If ye, then, being evil^ 
know how to give good gifts unto your child- 
ren, how much more shall our Heavenly 
Father give the Holy Spirit to them that asli 
him ? " Can any man suppose, that after 
such repeated and continued pleadings of the 
express promises of the Lord to this effect, 
in earnest prayer, according to his a})pomt- 
mentj I should be likely to be delivered up to 
7 



93 THE FORCE CF TRUTH : 

t[>e teaching of the father of lies ? Can any 
one make this conclusion without insinuating 
that God hath hroken his promises, which is 
shocking to think of? In short, you may 
make a jest of these things ; you may throw 
by the book without giving any attention to 
an argument of this kind ; or you may say, 
what you never can prove, that it is all a con- 
trived story ; or you may argue, that these 
promises, though contained in the Bible, are 
not to be depended on by us : which is to 
give up the Scriptures to be scoffed at by in- 
fidels and atheists, and to render them useless 
to the humble, anxious inquirer after truth 
and salvation ; but by no other means, I am 
assured, can you account for this single cir- 
cumstance, without allowing, that the sub- 
stance of those doctrines that I have now 
embraced, is indeed contained in the word of 
God ; that they comprise the truth as it is in 
Jesus, and are not corrupted with any such 
delusion, as can hazard the salvation of my 
soul, or the souls of those who, by my min 
istry, receive them. On this supposition all 
difficulties vanish. The Lord had given me 
a sincere desire, to know the saving doctrine 
of the Gospel ; and though I was exceedingly 
ignorant, obstinate, and prejudiced ; yet this 
desire, having by his providential direction 
led me to the word of God, and influenced 
me to seek his teaching by prayer ; God was 
faithful to his own promises, and it was an 
example of his own words ; " that every one 
that asketh receiveth, and he that seeketh 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 93 

findeth." My sincerity in seeking tht .ruth, 
evidenced by the sacrifice I made to my con- 
science, Vv^as sufficient to convince any person, 
who is conversant and experienced in the 
things of God, that, as my friend foretoid, 
thit'her wouJd all my inquiries lead me, in 
tha-t would they all finally centre. And could 
I be assured, beloved reader, whoever thou 
art, that thou was4; as sincerely desirous to 
know the truth, as I then was, and as hearti- 
ly resolved to embrace it wherever thou didst 
find it, and whatever it should cost thee ; had 
I also assurance, that in a believing depend- 
ence on these promises, thou wast diligently, 
and from day to day, in the study of the 
word of God, and by prayer, seeking the ac- 
compHshment thereof unto thy soul ; I would 
as co,nfidently foretell, that, as to those things 
which I now regard as essential to salvation, 
and, if thou hast the souls of others commit- 
ted to thee, as to what is needful for thy use- 
fulness in the ministry, thou wouldst be 
brought in time to the same conclusions, 
whatever thy present religious sentiments 
may be. May the Lord give thee true sin- 
cerity, and incline thine heart to try the 
experiment ! 

I am aware that many will object to what 
I have urged under this head, as being too 
confident, and as urged by men of contrary 
religious sentiments, each in behalf of his own 
system ; and as I would neither wish by vain 
controversy to be detained from more profit- 
able employments, nor yet to have any ma- 



too THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

terial, and plausible objection in force against 
what I have asserted, I hope the reader will 
excuse my obviating this beforehand. In 
answer, therefore, to those who may deem 
me too confident in this argument, I would 
only entreat them impartially and carefully 
to consider the limitations with which, on 
every hand, it is guarded ; and then to in- 
quire, whether in any other way, than that 
which hath been mentioned, he can account 
for this circumstance : that is, supposing this 
narrative true, for which the appeal is to 
the heart-searching God ; and supposing the 
promises mentioned, to be proposed to us, 
that we might embrace, depend on, and plead 
them in prayer ; considering the glory of the 
divine veracity as concerned in their accom- 
plishment to every believer, and then try, 
whether you possibly can evade one of the fol- 
lowing conclusions : 1. Either God hath fail- 
ed of his promise ; or, 2. God hath in the 
main, and as far as Is expressed, led the author 
by his Holy Spirit to the knowledge and belief 
3f the truth. To the second argument, taken 
from experience, I answer, 1. That it is not 
fact ; many pretenders to sincerity and candor, 
will, without hesitation, condemn as enthusi- 
astical, such a reliance on, and confidence in 
these promises, and this way of searching for 
truth ; and it is plain they do not seek truth 
in that manner, which they condemn in 
others. Many others, perhaps, slightly men- 
tion these matters, but they will not endure 
to be closely questioned ; they are conscious 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE' iOl 

that they have not sought the truth m thifj 
manner, and therefore they evade such dis- 
course as personal. 2. I answer that the 
writings of many pretended inquirers after 
truth, evidently show, that they expect to 
find it, not by trusting the Lord with all their 
heart, asking wisdom of him, or seeking in 
the word of God and by prayer, to be taught 
of him : but by leaning to their own under- 
standing, by resting the argument on philo- 
sophical reasonings, by backing it with the 
authority of this, or that renowned name, 
and supporting their conclusions by bold, 
and perplexing criticism, and interpretations 
of Scripture. Hence so many daring appeals 
from revelation, to reason and philosophy ; 
hence such and so m.any objections brought 
against doctrines plainly revealed in God's 
word ; (if language hath any determinate 
meaning ;) and so many consequences charg- 
ed upon these doctrines, with a design to 
invalidate their divine authority ; as if being 
made by every art of ingenuity, to have the 
show of unreasonableness, was sufficient to 
prove the plainest revelation of God's Holy 
Spirit a falsehood : hence such liberty, in in- 
terpretation and criticism, taken w^ith the 
word of God, as the learned w^ould never en- 
dure in interpreting, or criticising upon 
Horace or Virgil. These things prove, that 
such persons are strangers to that earnest, 
hearty, sincere desire to know the truth, 
which brings the inquirer to an humble wil- 
lingness to be taught of God, and in submit 



102 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

sion of understanding to seek wisdom A-om 
his word and Spirit. And 3. It is evident, 
that many pretenders to this sincere desire 
to know the truth, are not troubled with 
suspicions that they are, or can be wrong. 
They have made up their minds before they 
begin their inquiries ; and therefore you will 
not find them willing to make the least con- 
cession, but, in the management of the con- 
troversy, resolved to vindicate, and contend 
for every tittle, wading through thick and 
thin, (as it is saic3,) to make good their cause: 
and where arguments fail, to make use of the 
other arts of controversy, with which skill 
in the management of their weapons, and 
anger against their opponent^?, can supply 
them. Where a cause is maintained in this 
manner, you may easily understand, that 
there is none of that earnest desire of learning 
the truth, and that anxious fear of mistaking 
it, or of that distrust of self, and those doubts 
concerning our present knowledge and beHef, 
which constitute that sincerity, that leads the 
inquirer to the word and Spirit of God for 
direction and teaching. Lay these things 
together, and lVv will on scriptural grounds, 
cut off many ci»nfident pretenders to sincerity 
from their claims as entirely as they exclude 
Annas and Caiaphas, and the chief Priests, 
Scribes, and Pharisees, from being sincere in- 
quirers into tne truth of the Old Testament ; 
when in support of fheir own authority and 
reputation, and influenced by pride and anger, 
they under color of their law, put to death 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 103 

tiim, of whom Moses and the prophets did 
write, even Jesus of Nazareth, the Son of 
God. And as to men of another spirit, who 
appear sincere, humble, and willing to be 
taught of God, in their inquiry after truth ; 
but do not entirely agree with what has been 
laid down as my view of the truth, I would 
only wish them to observe the distinction 
established between some and others of these 
doctrines. Such persons do not, I dare say, 
materially differ from that which has been 
mentioned as necessary to salvation ; and, 
therefore, as 1 allow that they may have been 
in the main taught of God ; so I only require 
the same allowance ; and that it may be sup- 
posed that the same God, who according to 
his promise hath led both, as far as is need- 
ful to salvation, in the same way, has in 
other things left us to differ, for the mutual 
exercise of candor and forbearance, till that 
time when we shall know even as we are 
known. 

Lay these things impartially together; 
consider my former sentiments on religious 
subjects ; my self-sufficiency and positiveness 
in my opinions ; my worldly interest and 
character, both, to appearance, at stake ; 
my sincerity in my religious inquiries thus 
evidenced ; and then suppose my present 
sentiments to be enthusiasm, and pernicious 
delusion, and will it not be evident to your 
own consciences, that 1 was a most unlikely 
person to fall into Ihem f 

IIo In the secoBd place, I would observe, 



104 THE FORCE OF TRUTH ; 

that this change in my sentiments, was very 
gradual. 

^^llen any person suddenly changes his 
religious opinions, for others, very ditterenl 
from them, it is no inconsiderable evidence 
of a changeable and fickle disposition : it 
gives cause to suspect that he was not well 
established in his former sentiments ; that 
he had taken them upon trust, and was a 
stranger to the arguments wherewith they 
might be defended, and to the objections, 
which might be urged against them. If 
worldly interest, reputation, or conveniency, 
seem to favor the change, there is room for 
a presumption, that these had an undue in- 
fluence upon him : if not, it may be insinu- 
ated, that he was deluded with specious 
appearances, that he did not allow himself 
tin:ie to weigh the arguments pro and con ; 
that he had only changed one set of notions 
for another, ^-ithout ha^-ing duly considered 
either side. Such objections may reasonably 
be made, and the consequences of such pre- 
cipitate changes too ot'ten justity them. But 
though 1 was always, and still am, of a 
headstrong, impetuous spirit in other things ; 
and when once I have purposed., can have 
no rest from incessant agitation of mind till 
I have accomplished ; yet, in this particular, 
I acted contrary to my natural temper. In- 
deed, at first, I did in some instances too 
much betray my impetuosity • but at that 
time I acted not in the character of an in- 
quirer, but in full confidence that it was 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 105 

pleading the cause of truth, and had no more 
thought of becoming what the worM calls a 
Methodist, than of turning Mahometan ; and 
after that first hurry was over, though com- 
monly in earnest, and sometimes in consider- 
able perturbation of mind, I was outwardly 
calm and satisfied ; being generally enabled 
to believe, that if I were in anything at 
present mistaken, I should sometime be 
guided to the truth. My determination to 
set about this inquiry proceeded not so much 
from anxious fears about my own soul, as 
from a deep sense impressed upon my heart, 
of the importance of the ministry, and the 
worth of souls committed to my charge, and 
of the awful account to be given of them ; 
and as I all along bestowed some pains in in- 
structing them in what I believed to be the 
truth ; I was preserved thereby from any dis- 
r.omposing fears, or undue disquietude of 
mind. I sat down very coolly to search for 
the truth ; I proceeded very gradually, and 
with extreme caution : I took up no one 
opinion upon trust ; I gave up none of my 
sentiments, until the arguments wherewith 
1 had learned to defend them, were convinc- 
ingly answered ; nor did I admit any new 
articles into my creed, till either every objec- 
tion was obviated, or I was pressed on the 
other hand with others, still more unanswer- 
able. Much, very much, prayer and medita- 
tion preceded every change of sentiment; 
and I was near three years from the begin- 
mug of my inquiry, before I came to a deter- 



106 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

mination, what was the truth. So long 
deliberately, and step by step, I examined the 
premises, before I finally proceeded to dra\\ 
my conclusion, f perceive much cause to be 
ashamed of my unteachable temper ; for with 
such opportunities as were afforded me, if I 
had improved them, I might have been led to 
the knowledge and belief of the same truths, 
m much less time. But the Lord, I trust, 
led me in this way, and left me thus far to 
my own natural pride of heart ; that it might 
more evidently appear, that 1 received not 
my doctrines from man, but that, indeed, in 
the first instance, I learned them from the 
word and Spirit of God. 

III. Thirdly, I would observe, that as 1 
changed my religious views deliberately, so 1 
did it without any teaching from the persons 
to whose sentiments I have now acceded. 
For a considerable time after the commence- 
ment of my inquiries, I would not so much 
as read what they had to urge in their owti 
behalf. I entered, indeed, into a correspon- 
dence with Mr. ; but my intention was, 

not to learn from him, but to dispute wich 
him, which, when he waived, I dropped the 
correspondence, and utterly neglected his let- 
ters, as not considering them worth a re- 
perusal. From that time I avoided his 
company, and all the time I would not hear 
him preach. I would not be understood to 

insinuate, that Mr. hath not been useful 

to me : he hath been, and continues to be, 
eminently so : and I continually see great 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 107 

*,ause to bless God for giving me such a friend, 
to be S3 near at hand on all occasions. But 
this I assuredly believe, that had I never seen 
him after the time that his example had put 
me upon considering my conduct, I should 
have arrived at the same vievv^s of gospeK 
truth which I now have. His usefulness to 
me hath, all along, been in those matters 
wherein we were in some measure agreed, 
not in those wherein we differed ; for in these 
my proud heart scorned to have him for a 
teacher. 

At the same time, though I had the offer 
of several books written by Dissenters and 
Methodists, I declined them ; and did not for 
near two years, peruse any of them with suf^ 
ficient attention, to recollect anything of con- 
sequence in them. I say not this, as slighting 
these books : justice requires me to acknow- 
ledge, that many of them which then I igno- 
rantly despised, contain as solid and judicious, 
and excellent divinity, as hath been penned 
since the apostles' days. But I did not get 
my system from them ; for that was nearly 
completed, before I was prevailed upon to 
read them. My studies, beside the Bible, 
Avere mainly confined to authors of allowed 
reputation in the church of England, several 
of v/hich I have mentioned. Wherein they 
differed from each other, (as certainly Tillot- 
son and Hooker, Jortin and Beveridge, Bull 
and Hall, do difler very much indeed,) I en- 
deavoured to judge for myself, comparing all 
of them with the word of God, and with the 



108 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

articles, homilies, and liturgy of the church 
of England ; and from such authors, thus 
compared, as far as the writings of uninspired 
men have heen instrumental to this change, I 
have received the greatest part of my present 
opinions. 

But let it be observed, that the farther 
these streams are traced upward, toward the 
fountain of ti e blessed reformation, the purer 
they flow, according to my present judgment : 
and I have no doubt but I could, w^ere I to 
go about it, with proper helps, prove undeni- 
ably, that there is nothing material preached 
by me, under the scandal of methodistical, 
which was not preached b}^ those excellent 
persons, vvho, having laid the foundation of 
our church establishment, gave their bodies 
to be burned, in confirmation of the truths 
they taught. It is much to be wished, that 
their lives and discourses, living and d^ang, 
and their rem.aining writings, were more gen- 
erally known amongst us, and did not remain 
locked up from the world in large folios, in 
the learned languages, or in books out of 
print, or exceeding scarce : the effect of which 
IS, that the members of our national church 
are in general utterly ignorant of its standard 
doctrines, and ignorantly brand those as 
Methodists and enthusiasts, who preach 
zealously the very doctrines of the first 
reformers. 

lY. In the fourth place, I would observe 
the great influence which the study of tlie 
Scrij>tures had in producing this change. 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 10? 

We are too apt, without careful examina- 
tion, to take things for granted ; and to collect 
our scheme of divinity from other authors, 
and only to fetch a few detached texts from 
the Scripture, which appear to countenance 
our preconceived opinions ; neglecting, or 
very slightly considering such parts of the 
word of God, as seem incapable of being 
made use of to our purpose : we are too 
prone in availing ourselves of the labors of 
critics and expositors, to resign up ourselves 
implicitly to their guidance, and to imagine 
that we have proof enough of our doctrines, 
if we can produce the sanction of some great 
name, which hath espoused and maintained 
them ; without carefully examining whether 
ihey be right or wrong : but this is to pay 
that deference to the human interpretation, 
which is only due to the divine book com- 
mented upon. We ministers especially, 
though at ordination we solemnly promise to 
turn all our studies, as much as may be, into 
this channel, are very apt to suffer our time 
and thoughts to be engrossed with such 
studies and employments as are foreign there- 
to, interfere therewith, and leave at most but 
a secondary attention for the study of the 
word of God. Hence it comes to pass, that 
frequently we do not bestow so much pains 
in meditating upon the Bible, and in compar- 
ing spiritual things with spiritual, one Scrip- 
ture with another, with what we experience 
in our ov/n hearts, and what we hear and see 
in the world around us, as we do about mat- 



1 10 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

ters of far less consequence. So that proba- 
bly should we at any time sit down to a 
diligent examination of the whole word of 
God, we should find it a very different book 
from what we expected : thus at least it hath 
been with me, and possibly it may be so with 
others. 

The word of God informs us, that true 
wisdom, the saving, practical, and experi- 
mental knowledge of divine things, is not to 
be acquired without earnest and diligent seek- 
ing, ( Prov. ii. 1, 6.) '-My son, if thou 
wilt receive my wordi, and hide my com- 
mandments with thee ; so that thou incline 
thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart 
to understanding : yea, if thou criest after 
knowledge, and lifteth up thy voice for un- 
derstanding ; if thou seekest her as silver, 
and searchest for her, as for hid treasures . 
then shalt thou understand the fear of the 
Lord, and find the knowledge of God." If 
then our wisdom has been acquired without 
any of that eager desire after, and painful 
diligence in seeking it, with which the cov- 
etous man desires, and seeks for his riches ; it 
is a shrewd conjecture, that it is not of the 
genuine sort. Once I had in my own esteem 
a sort of wisdom, which seemed to offer itself 
to me spontaneously, and to be found with 
little seeking. But now I am persuaded it 
was but a counterfeit ; a fair seeming, per- 
nicious foolishness. 

But that which I now esteem to be true 
wisdom, if I could but attain unto it, is not 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE 111 

to be acquired in so easy a manner. When 
I first began to desire and seek after this wis- 
dom, I se't out ivith the assurance, that it 
was to be found in the Holy Scriptures, and 
nowhere else, these alone being able to make 
us wise unto salvation. I therefore consider 
ed myself engaged to make them my study ; 
and as the whole was given by inspiration 
from God, and was all declared to be profit- 
able for some purpose or other, according to 
the various ends for which the Holy Spirit 
designed therein ; so I made the whole my 
study without picking and choosing. Thus 
I learned to look upon the Bible as my book 
of instructions, given me along with my min- 
isterial trust by my Lord and Master ; that 
from thence I was to draw all my doctrines, 
instructions, and admonitions, warnings, ex- 
amples, rules of" duty, motives to duty, and 
encouragement therein : and I also consider- 
ed it to be the believer's charter of privileges, 
containing exceeding great and precious 
promises, and the whole of that which God 
saw fit to reveal, concerning those unspeak- 
able and inconceivable good things, which he 
hath of his infinite mercy prepared for them 
that love him. In order, therefore, faithful- 
ly to declare my message from the Lord Al- 
mighty to the souls of men, I found it 
indispensably needful to be well acquainted 
with every part, and to take the word of God 
myself, as well as propose it to others, as the 
lantern of my feet, and the light of my paths. 
And not only to attend to the letter^ but also 



!12 THE FOECE OF TRUTH: 

to the true meaning of the Spirit of God 
therein. This I found to be a work that re- 
quired much time, great diligence, mature 
consideration, and an unbiassed, unprejudiced 
mind. 

With this view of the matter partly ob- 
tained, and continually more and more un- 
folding itself to my mind, I studied the word 
of God, and have now for near four years 
employed a very considerable part of my 
time therein, neither rejecting, nor greatly 
depending upon the assistance of interpreters. 
I all along sincerely desired to know the 
truth, and for that end read the Scriptures, 
not as the word of man, but as the word of 
God. And though there have been seasons 
of remissness, when other employments and 
studies too much interfered with this main 
business ; and though at first I was very far 
from an unbiassed mind ; being blindly and 
obstinately prejudiced against those doctrines, 
which I now believe to be the true gospel of 
Jesus Christ ; yet, within that space I have 
read the Bible several times over, in every 
part, with the strictest attention I was capa- 
ble of. There are very few passages which 
relate to doctrine, that I have not repeatedly 
and diligently examined, comparing one with 
another, Avith all the care and consideration I 
could ; and I seldom ever ceased meditating 
on any portion of Scripture, until I had at- 
tained to some satisfying conclusion concern- 
ing its true meaning, and agreement with 
other Script^ares. I may truly say I have 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. IIS 

filled reams of paper with religious discus- 
sions, with sermons, expositions and let- 
ters, in all which I ransacked the Bihle, to 
bring as much Scripture evidence for my 
direction as possible. For these last two 
years I have scarce opened a book except 
upon religious subjects, and from morning till 
night, nearly every day, all this while, my 
thoughts incessantly have been employed in 
meditation upon the great truths of the gos- 
pel. Every difficulty and objection, (and 
difficulties and objections both from my own 
meditations, and in the course of my reading, 
continually crowded upon my mind,) sent me 
to the word of God, and increased my care 
and attention in examining and weighing 
every text of Scripture, respecting the point 
in question, before 1 exchanged my old opin- 
ion for a new one. 

Thus I may truly say, I have sought in 
the word of God, (that field in which alone 
this precious treasure lies hid,) for wisdom, 
for the saving knowledge of divine things, as 
for silver, and searched for her, as for hidden 
treasures. And though I am sensible, com- 
pared with many, with whom I have personal 
acquaintance, and still more, whose works I 
read, my knowledge of the Scriptures is su- 
perficial, the knowledge of a child, of a mere 
novice in the school of Christ ; yet, I trust 
that, as far as relates to the leading truths of 
the gospel, according to the promise, I am 
brought to understand the fear of the Lord, 
and have found the knowledge of God. And 
8 



114 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

permit me, balovetl reader, to put thee in re- 
membrance, that until thou hast with some 
good measure of this diligence, studied the 
whole word of God, thou runnest very great 
hazards in passing judgment upon the men 
and doctrines ; be cautious in what thou 
doest ; let these men quite alone, until thou 
hast imitated the conduct of the noble Bere- 
ans ; and hast thoroughly, and with unbias- 
sed mind, examined and meditated upon the 
whole word of God, to see whether the 
things they beUeve, and teach, be so or no. 
Lest otherwise it should come to pass, (as 
probably it will.) that in opposing and con- 
demning them, thou shouldst be found to fight 
against God. And 0! that the Lord would 
hear and grant my request, and by his Holy 
Spirit powerfully incline the hearts of all, 
who read these sheets, according to their 
leisure, station in life, obligations, and oppor- 
tunities, thus attentively to read their Bibles ; 
not as the word of man, but as the word of 
God himselt^, speaking from heaven, and unto 
them, and concerning the everlasting interest 
of their precious and immortal souls. Be 
tne adviser what he will, despised, and de- 
serving to be desjnsed for a Methodist, the 
advice is undoubtedly good : advice I shall 
have no occasion to repent having thus given 
you, at the solemn hour of death, and the 
awful day of pdgment ; adviae, which, at 
those approaching seasons, none of you will 
repent having followed ; though it should di- 
vert you from more amusing, and at this 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 115 

day more reputable studies, or engross that 
time, that you have been accustomed to de- 
vote to more pleasurable and fashionable em- 
ployments ; but which, neglected, will be an 
additional sting in every conscience, through 
all the countless ages of eternity. 

And O ! that they to whom the chief 
Shepherd hath committed the care of pre- 
cious souls, and at whose hands he will 
assuredly require every one that perishes 
through their default, would take in g:ood 
part this expression of the very affectionate 
desire of my soul, both in behalf of them, and 
their flocks, in dropping these hints concern- 
ing their peculiar obligations, to devote much 
of their time to the attentive, unbiassed 
study of the word of God, that infinite- 
ly best, but often least studied of all books. 
What avails it, that the ministers of the 
everlasting Gospel should be learned classics, 
profound philosophers, metaphysicians, and 
mathematicians, expert logicians, or adorned 
with the knowledge of the politer sciences 5 
if they are unacquainted, or but superficial- 
ly acquainted, with the sacred Scriptures ? 
These other branches of literature may amuse 
and entertain them, may procure them pre- 
ferment, reputation, respect, and favor ; but 
it is the knowledge of the Bible, which alone 
can enable them in such a manner to attend 
to themselves, and to their doctrine, as shall 
issue in the everlasting salvation of their own 
souls, and the souls committed to their care. 
Far be it from me to presume to lay down 



116 THE FOLCE OF TRUTH' 

my opinions as the standard of doctrine, or a 
rule for the faith and preaching, of my breth- 
ren, in this sacred ministry. But the more 
obscure I am, the less objection there can 
reasonably be against my just hinting to 
them, that if any one should find this subject 
manifest itself to his conscience, and make 
him sensible, that verily he hath been faulty 
in this matter, and hath been attending to 
other employments, and studying other books 
more than the word of God ; then, possibly, 
he may be mistaken in his sentiments con- 
cerning the doctrine of the Gospel, and, being 
mistaken himself, may be misleading others, 
to the endangering of their immortal souls ; 
for he cannot be certain, but that, should he 
employ some years in this single study, 
(Avhich its importance well deserves,) he 
may find the Bible a very different book than 
he expected. 

V. I would observe the influence whic?i 
prayer appears to have had in effecting this 
change. 

I am aware that the world, though called 
Christian, is come to such a pass, that the 
very mention of this subject, in many com- 
panies, is accounted ill manners, or even re- 
ceived with ridicule ; and that being known 
to live a life of prayer and communion with 
God, is alone sufficient to denominate any 
person a Methodist. However, it is scarce 
needful to say, how full the word of God is, 
of precepts, instruction, exhortations, invita- 
tions, promises, and examples to this effect ; 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 117 

he never read his Bible, who knows not this ; 
nor can any man, under any pretence, make 
a jest of this great duty and privilege of a 
believer, without pouring contempt upon the 
Holy Scriptures, and insulting the brightest 
characters therein proposed to us as exam- 
ples, not excepting the Lord Jesus himself. 
Let men, therefore, under the profession of 
Christianity, be as irreligious and profane as 
Ihey please ; I shall not be ashamed to speak 
upon so unfashionable a topic ; for if the 
word of God be true, he never knew any- 
thing as he ought to know, never believed, 
never repented, nevej performed one duty 
aright in his life, who hath not sought all his 
wisdom, knowledge, faith, repentance, and 
sufficiency for obedience, from God, by fer- 
vent, instant, and persevering prayer. Time 
was, even since I had souls committed to my 
care, that I lived in the neglect of this duty, 
and so without God in the world ; but since, 
through his forbearance and mercy, I have 
been in earnest about the salvation of my 
own soul and their's, I have not been left to 
do so. However, it is not my intent to speak 
any farther on this subject, than relates to 
the matter on hand. 

The word of God promises the Holy Spirit 
to them that ask him ; he is the Spirit of 
truth, leads into all truth, teaches all things, 
and searches and reveals the deep things of 
God. The leading promise to the church is, 
(Isaiah, liv. 13,) "That all her children 
shall be taught of the Lord." (JoJim vi. 44, 



1 IS THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

45.) Referring thereto, Christ ha.Ji declar- 
ed, that none can come unto him, except he 
be drawn of the Father, and taught of God. 
And St. Paul adds, (1 Cor. ii.^14,) «' But 
the natural man receiveth not the things of 
the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to 
him, neither can he know them ; because 
they are spiritually discerned." The natural 
man is explained in Jude, by not ha^-ing the 
Spirit, which is evidently the Apostle-s mean 
ing in this passage ; for in the preceding verse 
he declares, that he preached the gospel, not 
^* in words, which man's wisdom teacheth, 
but which the Holy Ghost teacheth, com- 
paring spiritual things with spiritual." On 
these grounds, I concluded, that man's natu- 
ral understanding could not spiritually, or 
profitably, receive the knowledge of revealed 
mysteries, unless it be enlightened by the Ho- 
ly Spirit. I learned also, that our eyes may 
be blinded by Satan, the God and prince of 
this world ; and our understandings closed, 
and a veil upon our hearts, when we read 
the word of God ; in which case the letter of 
the Scriptures, without the Spirit, only kii- 
leth. Hence the need of our understandings 
being opened, to understand the Scriptures : 
(for want of which the plainest discourses of 
our Lord to his disciples, concerning his suf- 
ferings, death, and resurrection, were hid from 
them, and they understood them not ;) and 
of the veil being taken from our hearts ; for 
want of vrhich the Jews m readmg the Old 
Testament cannot understand the plainest 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 11-9 

declarations of Moses, and the prophets, con- 
cerning their promised Saviour. I was 
taught also that true wisdom was the gift of 
God, and to be asked of hira, by every one, 
who would be wise unto salvation, that " the 
secret of the Lord is with them that fear 
him ; and that those who receive not the love 
of the truth, that they might be saved, are 
given over to a strong delusion to believe a 
lia ; that they might all be damned, who be- 
lieved not the trutli, but had pleasure in un- 
righteousness." (2 Thes. V. 10—12.) 

On these grounds, and depending upon the 
promise and invitations so plentifully inter- 
spersed through the Scriptures ; when I 
began to inquire after the truth, I began also 
to cry unto the Lord for his guidance therein -, 
and as my mind became more and more en- 
gaged, and my difficulties, in extricating my- 
self from the labyrinths of controversy 
increased, I became more and more earnest, 
and constant, and particular, in making my 
request known unto God. My constant 
prayer to the Lord was, to be delivered from 
pride and prejudice, blindness of heart, con- 
tempt of the truth, obstinacy, enthusiasm, 
ignorance, and error. That the Lord would 
give me wisdom and know^ledge, guide me to 
the truth as it is in Jesus, open my under- 
standing, take away the veil from my heart, 
and make known unto me the way of salva- 
tion, which is revealed to sinners in his holy 
word. Thus waiting upon the Lord, accorcl- 
iiig to his own appointn? ^nt, depending upon-. 



120 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

and pleading his promises from day to day, I 
was led from one thing to another, until my 
view of religious truth was totally changed. 
This I most firmly believe to have been by 
the promised teaching of the Spirit of truth, 
powerfully enlightening my mind, opening the 
Scriptures, and, by dispelling the clouds of 
error, and prejudices, enabling me to receive 
the truth therein contained. 

But though I am not ashamed of declaring 
my desire of living a life of prayer, and com- 
munion with God ; yet 1 have no intention in 
speaking thus publicly on such a subject, but 
to advance his glory, and forward the salva- 
tion of souls. As in his presence I declare, 
that 1 have prayed over many of the most 
interesting passages of Scripture, chapter by 
chapter, and often verse by verse, with the 
most anxious apprehensions of rejecting, or 
mistaking the truth, or embracing a falsehood; 
and with the most earnest desire of knowing 
what that doctrine was, which Jesus and hl-^ 
apostles taught. In the sight of God I am 
sensible I have abundant cause to be hum- 
bled, and ashamed of my frequent remissness 
in, and the continual defilements of, my pray- 
ers ; but as surely as I believe his promises 
to be iaithful, as surely I believe him to be a 
God that heareth prayers ; so surely do I be- 
lieve that flesh and blood hath not revealed to 
me the doctrines I now preach, but God him- 
self by his Holy Spirit. 

Reader, whoever thou art, if thy conscience 
testify, that thou hast hitherto lived in the 



I 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 121 

neglect of this important duty, or in the for- 
mal, lifeless, and unmeaning performance of 
it with thy lips, whilst thy heart hath been 
disengaged, and thy thoughts allow^edly wan- 
dering to the ends of the earth ; if thou hast 
not been accustomed by fervent prayer to 
seek wisdom from God by his teaching Spirit ; 
if thou knowest not what it is to exercise laith 
upon the promises pointed out to thee, nor to 
plead them in prayer to a promise-keeping 
God ; if all thy knowledge of divine things 
hath been acquired by leaning to thy own 
understanding ; if in reading the Scriptures 
thou hast looked more to learned critics, com- 
mentators, and expositors, than to the illumi- 
nating Spirit of God, sought in humble pray- 
er, to open thy understanding, to take the veil 
from thine heart, and to give thee that wis- 
dom, which is from above ; then be as sure 
as the word of God is true, and we are con- 
cerned in it, that thou art in the wrong, the 
light that is in thee is darkness, and thou 
knoweth nothing yet as thou oughtest to 
know. May the Lord effectually incline thine 
heart to take a contrary course, and to seek 
wisdom, where alone it can be found, from 
the Lord, the Father of Lights, and the giver 
of every good and perfect gift, who hath in- 
vited thee to ask, that it may be given thee ! 

VI. I would observe, that there is nothing 
in this Narrative, which can reasonably be 
condemned as enthusiasm 

It is allowed, that there is such a thing as 
enthusiasm ; that it is a frequent attendant 



T 22 THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

on religious zeal ; that in some of'its operations 
it is a grievous evil, (I speak of the faulty en- 
thusiasm ;) in all, attended with many incon- 
veniences ; and that it ought very carefully 
to be guarded against by every religious 
professor, and zealous preacher. It would 
also be in vain to pretend, that the late revi- 
vals of religion, which indiscriminately have 
been stigmatized with the name of Metho- 
dism, have been, in opinion and practice, en- 
tirely free from enthusiasm. What revivals 
of religion ever were free from such scandals ? 
Where the Lord sows his good seed, there 
the enemy will be sure to scatter his tares. 
It must be confessed, that some of the most 
eminent instruments in this work, whose 
names, when prejudice shall vanish, will be 
handed down with honor, as burning and shin- 
ing lights, to the latest periods of the church, 
have, by the greatness of their zeal, through 
human frailty, been betrayed into sentiments, 
expressions, and deportment, in some instan- 
ces justly to be censured as enthusiastical ; 
of which their enemies have not failed suffi- 
ciently to avail themselves. But whatever 
indiscretions and mistakes particular persons, 
who have preached these doctrines, may 
have fallen into, this doth not, in the judgment 
of candid and impartial persons, in the least 
affect the general cause, or prove the doctrines 
erroneous. We would not contend for the 
credit of individuals, or the interests of a 
party : but for the doctrines of God's word, 
and of th3 established church of England 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 123 

These will continue true and important, 
though many of those who have zealously 
and successfully preached them, should have 
justly incurred the charge of enthusiasm. 
All that I would intimate is this ; that a man 
may be led to the belief of those doctrines, 
which are branded as Methodistical, in a 
way of sober, rational inquiry ; and zealously 
preach them without being an enthusiast. 

It would be very well if some of those, who 
so readily accuse whole bodies of apparently 
religious persons of enthusiasm, would favor 
us with their determinate definition of an en- 
thusiast. In its original meaning the word 
has a very favorable sense, and implies, that 
by a divine influence upon the soul, a man 
is filled with an ardor and warmth of zeal in 
the cause he is engaged in. Now, it is good 
to be zealously affected always in a good thing, 
and if our ardor of soul be from the Spirit of 
God, according to the revealed will of God, 
and for the glory of God, it is the noblest, 
most desirable, most heavenly, and most bene- 
ficial exertion of the human mind. In every- 
thing but religion an ardor, described by the 
term enthusiasm, is allowed and commended : 
a poetical, a military, a patriotic enthusiasm, 
even when they carry men beyond the strict 
bounds of cold reasonings and exact prudence, 
fail not to meet with admirers. Our zeal may 
be fervent in everything without censure, 
save when we are zeabus for the glory of 
God, and the salvation of immortal souls. 
But there i& an enthusiasm of this sort, which 



124 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

forms the highest elevation, and the nobles* 
eff()rt of the human soul. Such an enthusi- 
asm animated the^^apostle Paul, in all his self- 
denymg labors and sufferings, and filled (un- 
der the guidance of the Holy Ghost) his wri- 
tings with such ardent zeal for the honor of 
his dear Saviour, and affection for the souls 
of men ; such an enthusiasm he expresses, 
when he says, (2 Cor. v. 13, 14,) " Whether 
we be beside ourselves, it is to God, or wheth- 
er we be sober, it is for your cause ; for the 
love of Christ constraineth us." Of such an 
enthusiasm as this I wish I were far more 
guilty. But on the other hand there is dan- 
ger of a counterfeit, pernicious enthusiasm, 
and about that we are now inquiring. Now, 
1 apprehend, that in order to constitute this 
culpable enthusiasm, some one or more of 
the following things must appear ; either the 
ardor of the soul, which is excited, must pro- 
ceed from a heated imagination, or from a de- 
lusion of Satan, instead of being produced by 
a divine influence ; or the cause, in which 
this ardor is employed, must be the cause of 
self and error, instead of the cause of God and 
truth ; or it must exert itself in unjustifiable 
measures and practices. But if our ardor of 
mind be warranted by the word of God ; if 
it do not tend to the dishonor of God ; and 
if it be confined in its exercise to the rules and 
precepts of the word of God, how intense so- 
ever it may be, I can see no cause to censure 
it ; unless men can be too zealous for the glo- 
ry of God, and the salvation of souls. 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 125 

But whatever be the distinguishing criteri- 
on of enthusiasm, I suppose it will be difficult 
to fix a charge of it upon anything, for which 
I plead in this Narrative. I never was taught 
anything by impulses, impressions, visions, 
dreams, or revelations ; except so far as the 
work of the Spirit, in enlightening the under- 
standing for the reception of those truths con- 
tained in the Holy Scriptures, is sometimes 
styled revelation. Other revelation I never 
expected or experienced, nor ever taught 
other's to expect. Not but that the Lord is 
sovereign, and may do what he will with his 
own ; and, if he pleases may, and I suppose 
sometimes does, go out of the ordinary course, 
for the conversion of a sinner, or the guidance 
of a perplexed, or the comfort of a distressed 
soul ; but I never took one step in dependence 
on any such extraordinary interpositions, nor 
encouraged any person to do so. And surely 
it will not be called enthusiasm, by any but 
avowed infidels, to believe God's word to be 
the rule of truth, and his promises to be faith- 
ful, and in this belief to seek for the knowl- 
edge of the doctrines of the gospel, in the man- 
ner related. In this way 1 have been taught 
no new truths, but as I believe, have been 
shown the meaning, use, tendency, consisten- 
cy, harmony, wisdom, and glory of those 
truths which are contained in the sacred vol- 
ume, but which before, through pride and ig- 
norance, I perverted, neglected, reviled, and 
counted foolishness. Nor do 1 make any pre- 
tences to infallibility i God hath not, I trust, 



156 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

lefl me so unstable, as to float about in the 
uncertain stream of opinion, and to be tossed 
to and fro with every wind of doctrine by the 
sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, w^here- 
by they lay in wait to deceive. As to the 
grand doctrines of the gospel, which I have 
endeavoured to mark out as necessary to sal- 
vation, they are neither so uncertain, nor so 
difficult, as men would persuade us ; their un- 
certainty and difficulty arise wholly from our 
pride, prejudice, love of sin, and inattentive 
ignorance of our own hearts. There is really 
much difficulty in bringing vain man to cease 
from leaning to his own understanding ; and 
in prevailing with him to trust in the Lord 
with all his heart, and to be willing, in the 
humble posture ot a little child, to be taught 
of God. Nothing but a deep com^ction of 
guilt, a fear of wrath, and a sense of our lost 
condition by nature and practice, can bring 
our minds unto tliis submissive frame ; but 
this being effected, the difficulty is over, and 
the way of salvation is so plain, that the way- 
faring men, though fools, shall not err there- 
in. As to the other doctrines, which I believe 
myself, though they seem plain enough to me, 
I desire not to proselyte others to them, but 
am willing to leave them as matters, in which 
fallible men may difier without danger. And 
as to my sufficiency for the faithful discharge 
of my ministry to God's glory, and the salva- 
tion of souls, he will not, I trust, deceive my 
expectations, which are grounded on his 
promises ; for the r?st I mistake daily, and 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE 127 

find myself m continua'l danger of mixing 
my own imaginations with his divine truths, 
and following my owm spirit instead of his. 
Whatever I preach truly, or do wisely, to 
God be the glory, for I am not sufficient of 
myself to think a good thought 5 whatever I 
speak falsely, or do foolishly, to me be the 
shame, for it is the natural fruit of my own 
deceitful heart. If this be enthusiasm, it is 
an enthusiasm warranted not only by the 
word of God, as I have endeavoured to prove, 
but by the whole liturgy of our church. We 
all at ordination profess to be moved by the 
Holy Ghost, to take the ministerial office upon 
us, and assuredly we cannot be moved by the 
Holy Ghost, if we have not the Holy Ghost, 
nor may expect his help and guidance. We 
agree to pray, that the Lord would lead in 
the way of truth all such as have erred and 
are deceived ; that he would illuminate all 
Bishops, Priests, and Deacons, with true 
knowledge and understanding of his holy 
word ; that he would cleanse our hearts by 
the inspiration of his Holy Spirit ; that he 
would gr^ant us true repentance and his Holy 
Spirit ; and much more to this effect ; and I 
am persuaded that such a confidence as I have 
expressed, cannot be censured as enthusiasm, 
without directly including our church estab- 
lishment and continual public worship in the 
same charge. 

VII. Lastly, I would observe, that our op- 
posers and despisers will seldom give us the 
hearing. With all their pretensions to can 



123 THE FORCE OF TRUTH: 

dor, reasoning, and free inquiry, they accuse 
and condemn us without so much as knowing, 
with any tolerable degree of accuracy, what 
our sentiments are ; although they are fur- 
nished with such plentiful means of informa- 
tion, in those numerous publications, which 
are now extant upon these subjects. 

Having imbibed strong prejudices against 
us, they frame so contemptible an opinion of 
our understandings and our writings, that 
they will not bestow so much pains, or afford 
so much regard, as to peruse our books ; and 
to call an author a Methodist, is with many 
people a sufficient reason why they should 
not read his works. Hence it comes to pass, 
that for want of information, our doctrines 
are grievously misrepresented ; and in general 
the attacks made upon us, though they make 
our persons odious and despised, do not in 
the least affect the argumen4; in debate. 
What most of our adversaries know of our 
opinions, are only scattered fragments picked 
up by hearsay, wherein neither the connex- 
ion, consistency, tendency, nor application of 
these opinions are preserved ; and therefore 
no wonder that we are vilified, and reproach- 
ed with things to which we are utter stran 
gers, or w^hich we abominate and protest 
against from sabbath to sabbath, and against 
which we neglect not to fill our writings 
with reasonings, warnings, and cautions. 

For my own part I freely acknowledge, 
that my strongest objections against this 
scheme of doctrine arose wholly from misap- 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 129 

prehension and mistake. Not having read 
their books, my notions of the doctrines of 
the Methodists were received from vulgar 
report, and from their enemies ; while my 
own creative imagination put the construc- 
tion upon, and drew the consequences from 
them ; so that when I preached against them, 
1 was as one fighting with my own shadow ; 
and in speaking evil of those things that I 
knew not, I only betrayed my own ignorance 
and pride. No better founded are the la- 
mentable outcries, which at this day are 
made against us, and our principles, as if we 
were endeavouring to banish reason, argu- 
ment, sobermmdedness, and morality out of 
the world ; and in their stead to substitute a 
parcel of whimsical vagaries, which are with- 
out foundation in reason, or Scripture, and 
have no influence, or rather a pernicious in- 
fluence, on our conduct and conversation. 
When such a declamation is ended, (for one 
would not interrupt it,) ask the declaimer 
what a Methodist is ? He can scarce give 
you an answer ; inquire about their doctrines, 
he doth not understand them ; their writings, 
he never hath read them ! 

Reader, if thou desirest to know what our 
opinions are, and what reason there is for 
these heavy charges, read our books ; but 
read them with attention, and aim at impar- 
tiality; compare them with the word of God, 
and with the liturgy, articles, and homilies of 
the church of England ; and if thou hast lei- 
sure and opportunity, with the works of our 
9 



ISO THE FORCE OF TRUTH : 

first reformers. Nor do we desire thee to 
renounce thy reason, but only to make this 
reasonable concession ; that where thy reason 
would determine one way, but God hath 
expressly determined another way, thou 
wouldst allow him to understand his own 
mysteries better than thou dost ; and that 
therefore thou oughtest, by faith, exercised 
upon the veracity of God, to receive those 
matters implicitly, and without reasoning, 
which God hath revealed, and which thy 
reason feels to be far above, out of its reach, 
and therefore out of its providence. When- 
ever, on such inquiry, thou discoverest us to 
be mistaken, there dissent from us, yea blame 
us, as far as meekness and candor will per- 
mit ; but do not condemn us in the gross ; do 
not assert our whole scheme of doctrine to be 
enthusiastical and groundless, though some 
of our Avriters should be found to have ad- 
vanced some questionable opinion. This 
were the way to drive all truth and certainty 
out of the world ; for what book can be 
mentioned, the Bible excepted, wherein there 
is nothing advanced, either erroneous or 
questionable ? 

And be assured, it is no argument of a 
sincere desire to know the truth, to read only 
one side of the question, and then clamor 
ously to adopt every childish cavil, every 
vague report, every scandalous falsehood ; 
and industriously to propagate them, as if^ 
these afforded a sufficient confutatk)n of all 
the arguments, authorities and Scripture 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 131 

testimonies wherewith we support our sen- 
timents. Observe ; that though some pro- 
fessors have been proved enthusiasts, and 
others detected to be hypocrites, this doth 
not prove that we are all enthusiasts and 
hypocrites Such rash judgments hurt not 
us, but those that pass them. 

For myself, I here publicly profess that I will, 
to the end of my days, acknowledge it, as the 
greatest obligation that any person can confer 
upon me, if, in the spirit of meekness, he will 
point out to me any error or enthusiastical de- 
lusion, into which I have fallen, and by suffi 
cient arguments convince me of it. I trust, 
that my earnest desire to discover the truth, 
as it is in Jesus, has not abated in its influence, 
and that I retain the same disinterested reso- 
lution to embrace, and adhere to it, wi^h 
which I set out. Still am I solicitously fear- 
ful of being betrayed by my warmth of spirit, 
and by the deceitfulness of my heart, into er- 
roneous opinions. But it is not clamor and re- 
proach, or objections and arguments brought 
against sentiments I detest, or consequences I 
allow not, and do not see to be consequent 
from my doctrines ; it is not such reasoning 
as sets one divine attribute at variance with 
another, and makes one part of the Bible con 
tradict another, or exalts the human under- 
standing upon the tribunal, and arraigns and 
condemns revealed mysteries at her presump- 
tuous bar ; I say, such a procedure will have 
no weight with me, or with any who ever 
knew the grace of God in truth. 



132 THE FORCE OF lllL TH ; 

And now, beloved reader, let me cjiiclude, 
with leaving it upon thy conscience to search 
for the truth of the Gospel in the study of 
God's word, accompanied by prayer, as thou 
wouldst search for hid treasure. I give thee 
this counsel, as expecting to meet thee at the 
day of judgment, that our meeting may be 
with joy, and not with grief; may the Lord 
incline thee to follow it, with that solemn sea- 
son full in view ! Time, how short ! eternity, 
how long ! life, how precarious and vanish- 
ing ! death, how certain ! the pursuits and 
employments of this present life, how vain, 
unsatisfying, trifling, and vexatious ! God's 
favor and eternal life, how unspeakably pre- 
cious ! his wrath, the never-quenched fire, 
and the never-dying worm, how dreadful ' 
Oh ! trifle not away thy span of life, in heap- 
mg up riches, which shortly must be left for- 
ever, and which profit not in the day of 
wrath ; in such pleasures and amusements, as 
will issue in eternal torments ; or in seeking 
that glory, w^hich shall be swallowed up in 
everlasting infamy. Agree but with me in 
this 3 that it ts good to redeem thy precious 
time, to labor for the meat that endureth un- 
to ev^erlasting life, and to attend principally to 
the one thing needful : take but thy measure 
of truth as well as duty from the w^ord of 
God : be willing to be taught of God ; medi- 
tate on his word day and night ; let, it be the 
light of thy feet, and the lantern of thy paths ; 
and in studying it, lean not to thy own under- 
standing, trust not implicitly to expositors and 



AN AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE. 31 

commentators, but ask wisdom and teaching 
of God. And be not a Felix, saying to thy 
serious apprehensions about thy soul ; '^ Go 
thy way at this time, when I have a conven- 
ient season I will call for thee ;" lest death and 
judgment come before that season ; be not an 
Agrippa, an almost Christian ; but seek to be 
altogether such as the primitive Christians 
were. I say, agree but with me in these rea- 
sonable requests, and we shall at length agree 
in all things ; in many in this world ; m all, 
when we hear the Son of God address us in 
these rejoicing words, " Come, ye blessed of 
my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for 
you from the foundation of the world." May 
the Lord vouchsafe unto the writer, and to 
every reader of this book, that wisdom which 
is from above ; that teaching of his Holy Spir- 
it which guides into the ways of peace ; that 
faith which justifies ; that peace of God whicli 
passeth understanding ; and that measure oi* 
sanctifying and strengthening grace, which 
shall enable us to hold on, and hold out unto 
the end, always abounding in the work of the 
Lord, as knowing that our labor shall not lie 
in vain in the Lord. 



68 



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